


Der Perfekte Drier (The Perfect Threesome)

by freylis



Category: Rammstein
Genre: F/M, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-09-28 11:38:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 23,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20425361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freylis/pseuds/freylis
Summary: Lainie Clarkson is a Melbournian rockstar in her own feminist metal band, Kiss This. They've been asked to support Rammstein on their tour and tonight is the night. She might have her eyes on one man, but there's more than one man with his eyes on her.





	1. The Gig - Hey hoes, let's go

**Author's Note:**

> *This is an X-rated fanfic. This is the content warning. This story contains graphic sex and kink scenes, drug use and general debauchery. If you were looking for a fluffy fanfic, this is not for you. If you're extremely depraved, want all the gory details and are looking for an edgier, darker fanfic, please continue and enjoy. No I don't condone the abuse of drugs and alcohol nor do I encourage it*

Tonight was the night. The night every local band awaits. I breathe slowly. In and out, in and out. I can't afford to screw this up. The day I got the call from the manager, I nearly died. I thought it was some kind of nasty prank. But here I am, with my band, backstage at a Rammstein gig. No not just backstage. On in 20, the sound guy keeps count until we're up. Sound check has been completed, now is the perfect time for a little Dutch courage. I order another pint of beer and down half of it as soon as I get it. I mean, it's fucking Rammstein. RAMMSTEIN. German legends that have been there, done that and probably been kicked out for it. Breathe damn it, I remind myself. There was nothing to do to keep my mind calm. My guitar was tuned, lyrics were memorised and perfected, outfit was perfect. Nothing to do except wait.

Our band started out as four aggressive women who loved metal. A few years later, we'd refined our art, been to our fair share of local gigs, quite a few national gigs and the odd rally or two for women's rights. We'd earned this, but it still felt...surreal. Like any minute now someone would laugh and say they got us good. It really didn't sink in until the MC announced us. "And welcome to the stage, home-grown Melbournian mistresses of metal...Kiss This!" The MC said enthusiastically into the mic. Oh shit, that's us, I think. I look at my fellow band mates, my sisters. "Alright, let's get em girls" I nod at them, grab my guitar and down the last of my pint. I stride out under the lights, ready to lay my heart on the line and give it my all. I didn't say a word to the audience, I just slammed into our first song, "Treat Me Like Your Whore". My fingers thrashing their way up and down the fret board of my old Gibson and letting every ounce of feminist strength in my body take control of my vocals. I let the aggressive and sarcastic lyrics of the song fall away into the ballad I wrote for an ex. Each song flowed into the next and was woven with everything I had to give, and I felt...alive.

Our set came to an end in a roar of encouragement and screaming for an encore. We left the stage and the lights went out. I consulted with the sound guy and stage manager and got the OK for an encore. I spoke to the girls and we decided to go out with a bang. Or a song about getting banged at least. So we strode back out on stage and brought the house down. I writhed and screamed while furiously working my way through the riffs, fuelling the audience. There had been several circle pits throughout the night but this was by far the biggest. They're loving us, I grinned to myself. I'd never felt so rewarded for my blood, sweat and tears. We finished up and said goodnight.

I wandered backstage and put my guitar down and had a little stretch. I was feeling electric, a thrum of exhilaration kept trawling through my body. My blood was singing in my ears. I felt myself being watched and I looked around. In the shadows was someone wearing all black, holding a cigarette and wearing something...shiny? "You played a great show tonight" A deep voice came from the dark corner. A voice I could only describe as baritone that had a thick lilt to it. And the penny finally drops. "Ah. Thank you, Till. I hope we did you guys some justice" I produce a polite but cool smile, trying to hide my excitement.

A big shot from such a huge band just complimented the "Home-grown talent", cocaine couldn't even make me buzz like this. He straightens and comes out of the shadows. God he was something to look at. His hair was gelled back, a cheeky smile played on his lips and his eyes. Oh god, his eyes. They flashed and stormed with mischief while he took in the tiny feminist rocker before him in all her sweaty, jean-clad gnarliness*. "Cigarette?" Till reached into the back pocket of his tight leather pants, that showed off those gloriously thick tree trunk thighs, and produced a pack of Winfield reds and a lighter. "Thank you. I need one after all that" I smile and lean down towards the lighter he sparked for me.

"Oh? And whys that?" Till took a drag from his own cigarette and stowed his deck. "Not to sound like an egotistical bitch, but performing in front of an awesome audience, especially a big one like this? Is nearly as good as sex" I took a deep drag, savouring the harsh burn of nicotine and heat down my throat. Till laughed, a hearty deep laugh that did things to my insides. "I understand of course. But do you know what is better than a cigarette after a concert?" Till smiled that brazen smile as he asked me such an obvious question. But I played cute and flirty. I closed some of the gap between us, leaving just enough space to send a very clear message but just far enough away. "Oh? Do tell" I look him in the eye, returning the very same smile. He leaned in, nearly bridging the gap and whispers in my ear. "Sex" He pulls away, giving me one last saucy look before he moves towards the stage for sound check, taking with him my breath. And possibly, my vagina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * - Gnarliness as in gnarly, gnarly as in awesome  
***Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Yeah I know nothing happened, this chapter just kinda sets the scene. Stay tuned for some extra juicy content***


	2. Rein Raus

With sound check done and another pint in me, it was nearly time for the main event. I swear he became more and more audacious each time he passed me. I certainly wasn't complaining, given I was strategically placing myself so he'd have to walk past me, and with my band mates egging me on, I had no hope of saying no. I might be a feminist but I'm still a god damn woman and he was one helluva man. I was enjoying the game we were playing.

The flirting, teasing. It was driving me wild. He'd leaned over to say something to his guitarist, Kruspe, who then looked over at me and shrugged with a nod. Kruspe comes over to me. "Hi Lainie, Till and I were wondering if you knew any Rammstein riffs" His thick accent wafted over me. God I'd never get sick of hearing it. "Yeah I know a few. Anything off Rosenrot and Mutter I can play. Should I start down-tuning my guitar?" I raise an eyebrow at Richard but also at Till who was watching in the background. "Depends. Would you like to play a song with us?" Richard asks. Does a bear shit in the woods? "I'd be honoured. What song do you have in mind?"

"I'm sure you haven't seen enough of her tonight, I know I haven't, but please welcome back to the stage, Lainie Clarkson" Till's accent sent static electricity through my body. He beckons me to come out. I straighten my guitar and strutted out. I had no idea what was about to go down, but I was god damn ready for it. Richard gestures to the setlist at my feet. Rein Raus. Of course. Of all the songs to get down to with the person you know you're fucking tonight. I look at Till and mouth the words "Bring it on" before winking at him and hammering into the intro. 

His deep German vocals swirled around me as I tried to stay in control of myself. But I couldn't help it. He'd lost the black shirt and was donning a leather X chest harness across his broad, glistening chest. Watching him in action, was magnificent. He was a true showman, never stopping or breaking character. He strode around and dominated the stage, never missing a beat. When the song ended, he blew a kiss at me as I waved to the crowd and chucked em the bull horns. Night. Made. Ok, nearly made.  
I was greeted with whoops, cheers and a fresh pint when I sat down with my band mates again. "Holy shit dude you rocked!" The bassist, Leah, high fived me. "Nah man, WE rocked. We fucking killed it out there tonight. I'm so proud of us and how far we've come" I nodded and smiled, gesturing for everyone to bring it in for a hug. "Ok now spill the goss, bitch. What's going on with you and that gorgeous front-man?" The drummer, Shannon, raises an eyebrow as she takes a seat. "Yeah c'mon spill. We have to know everything now" Jules, the other guitarist, has a sip of her own beer before leaning forward, ready to receive. 

"Guys there's nothing happening. Fuck I just met the guy" I laughed. "That has never stopped you before" Shannon kicked my leg and joined in the chortling that had erupted at my expense. I mean, she wasn't wrong. But talk about a sick burn. "Nah dead set. There's nothing going on...yet. I mean, really? Of all the songs. Couldn't have made it any more obvious" I look at my bandmates and shrug. "Yeah but I mean, don't tell us you hate it" Leah jokes into her beer. "Yeah alright for real though. Round table meeting. Should I or should I not pursue this?" I ask the band. "I will smack you upside the head if you don't" Leah responds. "Aye" Shannon nods. "Just be safe. But have fun ey? And obviously, tell us everything whenever you crawl in" Jules contributes before raising her pint. "To hot guys and wild sex" She starts laughing at her own satire toast. "Hear hear!" Shannon replies as we all take a hearty sip.

I waited backstage as Rammstein finished up their encore and started to drift offstage. Till makes eye contact and comes straight over. "I couldn't keep my eyes off you" I purr, drinking him in. In all of his sweaty glory. "I could say the same about you" Till smiles down at me, standing a whole foot taller than me. "So, we're gonna head off to an afterparty in our hotel room. Would you and your bandmates care to join us?" Till cocks his head in that flirtatious way. "Well, it depends. I mean, what would even happen at this party?" I ask feigning innocence. "Well I was hoping for lots of alcohol, maybe some laughs, probably some drugs and a beautiful woman that will let me fuck her senseless. Does that sound like your kind of party?" Till leans in. So close. "Sounds like my kind of party for sure. So long as I'm the beautiful woman you're referring to" I wink and turn on my heel to get my bandmates organised.

I fill them in on the situation and tell them about the afterparty before we loaded all our shit intoJules' van. "Are we ready ladies?" PaulLanders, the rhythm guitarist, wanders over to help us with the last of our gear. "He's cute" Leah leans in and whispers. "Better make yourself known then"I touch her shoulder. "Yeah we're ready. Guess we'll follow you?" I ask. "Yes.Please do. We have to celebrate such a wonderful night" Paul smiles and look sat each of us, his gaze lingering on Leah before turning away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah yeah I know not much is happening


	3. Kuss Mich

We get back to the hotel and within five minutes, it's anarchy. The music was pumping, the drinks were flowing and I was having the time of my life. I had a German god bending to my every need. When my glass was empty, it was instantly refilled. When the joint got passed around, I was given first dibs. After a while, I ended up sitting on Till's lap, he could barely keep his hands off me. I felt so alluring.

The way his hands ran up and down my waist, the way he was kissing my neck. My bandmates had settled in with the guys of their choice. Leah was with Paul, Shannon was with Schneider and Jules was with Oliver. Richard and, true to his name, Flake, had piked out and were out at a local bar. I rolled over to straddle Till's waist, deepening the moment. He looked semi surprised but didn't argue. I could feel his hardness through the leather of his pants and the denim of my own. My skin was on fire for his touch. I look him in the eye and leaned in for our first kiss. Electricity exploded and I gasped for air. His hand caress the back of my neck and his other arm held me around my waist. His tongue made itself known in the best way possible.

I felt fused to him and never wanted to part. He held me down with such force and such passion that I could barely contain myself. "Till I-" He put a finger to my lips. "I don't want this night to end either" The side of his soft lips lifted into a half smile. There was something in his eyes that no man had ever shown me before. Was it...wonder? Amazement? Was he bewitched by me? I had no idea, but I'm sure I'd enjoy finding out. I started to grind my hips against his and he met my rhythm. His hands trailed down to my hips and he gripped on as if his life depended on it. "Should we get out of here?" I purred in his ear, nipping at his neck. "Should we make this a little more interesting?" Till raised an eyebrow at me. I was hoping he'd suggest something extra kinky. I didn't know what, but after all the stories I'd heard, I hoped it would be something wild and memorable. What did he have in mind?

He led me down the fire escape and out into a back alley. I look around, it was pretty dank but the idea that we might be busted made me warm. "I don't know exactly what you have planned but I'm game" I sauntered over to a quiet corner, Till following my lead and pinning me to the wall. My heart beat quickened. "Well, not to brag, but I like to make sure women remember their time with me" He reached into his pocket, pulled out a tiny bag and grinned.

"Ever done coke?" He asked. "I have. But tell me, what am I gonna snort it off?" I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him in for another hot kiss. He breaks away and presses his forehead. "Me" He breathes with a cheeky grin. I give him a quizzical look and tilt my head to the side. Without saying a word, he undoes his fly and his member springs free. Oh shit, I think. His shaft was huge. Girthy as it was lengthy. He chuckled at my reaction. "Does this impress you or scare you?" Till asked, sprinkling out a nice fat line on the length of his prick. "A good mix of both. But I told you, I'm up for anything" I reach into my wallet and roll up a $50 note.

I get down on my knees and snort half the line up one nostril. It kicked like a mule when it hit my sinus. I sniff hard and turn my attention to the other line. A rush beginning to course through me. Since I was down here, I figured I should say thank you. I started by licking the head and slowly worked my way down, swirling my tongue around his girth the best I could. This elicited groans and a hand running through my hair. I couldn't possibly take it all, but that didn't stop me. I licked and sucked, fuelled by Till's moans and groans. He gripped my hair and pulled, easing me off his length. Still pulling my hair, he pulls me back up and pressed my lips against his. The sparks were flying and I was as high as a kite, thanks to the coke as well as the man in front of me. 

"Well, what about you? I gotta make sure you get your hit too" I say flirtatiously, the thought of Till Lindemann snorting coke off somewhere naughty was making me extremely wet. "I know just the place. Take your pants off" He smiles devilishly at me and I oblige all too willingly. I strip down to nothing and await was he was going to do. I didn't haven't to wait long. He picks me up and hefts my thighs up on his shoulders. I squeal in surprise but start giggling. 

"Would you mind?" Till hands me the bag and I decide the best spot would be just above my pubic region. I tap the powder out into a thick line, mimicking the one Till had racked up for me."Good choice. It means I can get straight to business after" He looks up at me before snorting the coke. Once he was finish, he didn't waste a second and went straight for my pussy. I gasped and then groaned. He held no bars as he licked and sucked and nipped, making sure he got every last part of me. A warm heat began to build inside me and soon threatened to topple over me. I moaned in pleasure as the heat ran through my body. I moaned and writhed as another tidal wave of pleasure washed over me, my thighs clamping closed.


	4. Buck Dich

As the heat fades, I hear chuckling beneath me and Till's face reappears. He immediately picks me off his shoulders and wraps my legs around his waist, holding me close. I look at him in silent amazement and he presses his lips against mine so passionately that I thought I might come again. "Are you going to pin me to the wall?" I whisper against his lips. "That was the idea yes" Till grins and breaks our kiss. I hear some faint rustling before Till looks at me, appearing to want my approval. "Well don't stop now" I giggle flirtatiously. And suddenly, I'm completely full. 

I gasp loudly, never knowing a size as large as his. The sheer girth of him made me shudder instantly and cry out. He immediately started grinding in and out of me. I relished every second, every pound. I wrapped my legs tighter around his hips, writhing under his touch. The heat between us was irresistible. I was sure I would melt at any moment. Each stroke brought me closer and closer. Till was having a field day, his hands traced up and down my body until they reached my wrists. Before I knew it, he had my hands pinned above my head and he was nipping and grazing at my neck. I couldn't take any more, I had to come now. And within a few strokes, I did just that. An epic fire took hold of my body and I screamed out in pleasure. I felt my insides quivering and clutching. I was panting and hoping for more. Till, seemingly even more aroused by my own shameless orgasm, picked up the pace and came a few minutes later. We stayed like that for a few moments, trying to catch our breath. "Don't tell me that's all you've got" I say when I've finally stopped panting. "Not on your life" He grins deviously at me.

And he didn't lie. We could hardly keep our hands off each other. I know I couldn't keep my hands off him. I didn't know if it was me or the coke talking but I never wanted this to end. We'd ended up back in the hotel, racking up more lines, drinking more beer and engaging in more morally questionable but hot fucking. I couldn't call it anything else, because no other word described how primal and rough it was. After a while, it was hard to tell where his body ended and mine begun. 

Most of my bandmates had gone home or passed out somewhere. I, on the other hand, was trussed up in some basic kinbaku lashings and was being bent to the wills of the sexiest German to ever walk the Earth. And I was loving every minute of it.

The rope binding my wrists and wrapped up my torso started to bite in all the sensitive areas. Hard. And I was not complaining. The feel of it cutting into my skin just made me wetter and wetter. He had me bent over the edge of the bed with my wrists and arms bound behind my back with the rope across my torso acting as a makeshift titty harness. He had kicked my legs apart and was delving into my depths with his fingers. 

I'd never had a man who paid so much more attention to my pleasure than to his own. I was in heaven. He flicked and played and was making me moan and draw closer to orgasm then denying me. Absolute savage. I loved every second of his brutal torment on my body. He broke it up with the odd smack across my butt cheek and the delicious hair-pulling. 

He was playing my body like a sordid violin. When he'd decided I deserve my release, finally, he blessed my body with what it craved; Him. Well, his cock at least. He took great pleasure in doling out the pain, continuing to spank and pull and choke and bite. I'm sure my body would end up looking like a war zone by the time he was finished. He left no part of my body unexplored, or unattended. Taking his time with me to ensure maximum damage. I'm still not complaining. The way his body claimed my own would ensure a wild night I'd never forget.


	5. Feuer und Wasser

One wild night ended and turned into a wild morning all too quickly. Our vigour however, had not slowed. The only thing about it that changed, was the setting. The alley, the bedroom, the couch and anywhere with a flat surface was no longer sacred. And the shower, was our next victim.

It was 8am when we decided to take a shower. And by take a shower, I mean continue the depravity. I'd been stripped of my clothes hours ago and so had he, all that was left was to stop for 5 seconds to turn the water on. But we couldn't even manage that. Turn our attention to something other than the person standing in front of us? Impossible. Unquestionable.

It took several go's and a few laughs to get the shower going, even though we were already creating enough steam on our own. The water felt nearly as good as his touch. Each kiss we'd shared hadn't lost its spark, each time he touched me, the fire was still there. We somehow managed to get in the shower and spent at least an hour erotically washing each other and madly fucking. I was beginning to feel the effects of his shaft. Like John Mellencamp said, it hurt so good.

"Aren't you sick of me yet?" I purred as I towelled off. He caressed the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss, a sweet and tender one. "Never" His voice still sending shivers down my spine. "I don't know what it is about you but, I just can't get enough. Maybe it's the copious amount of drugs, or maybe there's something special about you. I don't really know. All I know is whatever this is, I'm enjoying it and I'd hate for it to end" Till gives me a small smile. 

Unlike his usual mischievous smile, this one seemed different. That look in his eye was back too. Maybe he was bewitched by me. His kiss was different too. Less feverish, more affection. "I don't want this to end either" I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, all but dragging him back to the bedroom. 

I rolled us a nice, fat blunt and sparked the bitch up. I passed it to Till and we played Truth or Dare, y'know, for shits n gigs. "Truth or dare?" He asked, taking a deep drag before passing it back to me. "Truth" I take the blunt and inhale. The harsh smoke trawling down my trachea. "Have you, ever been in a threesome? Or more?" Till asks, that small devilish smile creeping back on to his face. "I've been with another woman and another guy, two other women. But never with two guys" I answer honestly, offering the blunt to him. 

He laughed. "No wonder you're a wildcat in bed" He takes a hit. "Well what about you?" I raise an eyebrow. He exhales, the smoke curling around him. "Two women. More than once. And once funnily enough with Richard when we were in Amsterdam. I don't understand what men find so strange or so "gay" about two men nailing the same woman at the same time. In Germany, it's nothing to be a little...kinky" He shakes his head. "Right? I guess it's a lack of faith in their own heterosexuality, a lack of confidence in themselves because of the whole "bigger is better" stigma or a mix. Men are a funny species" I shrug, the buzz slowly taking over my body.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes for a second. "Truth or dare?" I ask, opening my eyes again. "Hmmm, dare" Till passes the blunt back to me. I take it and ponder what I want to ask. "Well, we've fucked 9 times already. Care to make it 10? But, there will be guidelines" My turn to grin cheekily at him. He raises an eyebrow. "Alright I'm game" He slides towards me, placing a hand on my thigh. "Ok, roll another blunt, put on some Led Zeppelin, let's see who finishes first and last between you, me, the blunt and the album" I take another drag and exhale. Till laughs. "That is, different. I like it. But we still have to finish the one you're holding" Till taking the blunt out of my hand.


	6. Sonne

Blunt finished, fresh one rolled, it was time for the game to begin. Led Zeppelin playing in the background, sunlight trying to get through the blinds to spoil the moment. He started out slow, kissing my bruising lips, caressing my cheek with such tenderness. His kiss began to trail down my cheek, down my jaw, to my neck where I'm sure there were a million hickeys and bite marks.

I took a drag of the fresh blunt and exhaled the smoke, watching it swirl around the room. Everything was beginning to look hazy but feel so good. Led Zeppelin was melting in my ear drums, Till was all but worshipping me. I pushed Till off me and on to the mattress, pinning him down with my hips. I started to grind and within seconds he was ready to go. I put the blunt between his lips and slipped him inside me. His member, familiar as it was, still made me gasp. And given how many times we'd fucked; I was definitely feeling it.

I slid up and down slowly, leaning back. Taking nice, long, lazy strokes. Making sure I took my sweet-ass time. The blunt was passed back and forth a few times before Till decided to take the reins. He held on to my thighs as he carefully flipped me on my back and continued the rhythm I had started.

The sight of his body was really something else. He was built solid; with a broad, slightly hairy chest and solid looking arms I'd love to be held in. And held down by. His torso was tight and sculpted by God himself. And his thighs, were magical. Keeping just the right pace and time, never buckling. I was practically drooling while I was taking him in.

I rolled over and wiggled my behind suggestively at him. Sure enough, he hands me what was nearly just a roach, grabs my hips and continues to pound and grind at just the right pace. I was feeling warm all over. I take the last drag before butting it out. Till leans back, still sliding in and out of me languidly. The heat began to build, and build. There was something different about this. Like there was less aggressive fucking and a little more care and affection. Till pulls me up and back against his torso, running his hands up and down my body pressed against his own. His hand slowly makes its way down my stomach, past my hips and he begins to flick and play.

I moan loudly at his touch, the heat threatening to spill. One of his other hands found my boob and started pinching and pulling my nipple, which received another loud moan. God his touch was irresistible. The man could've asked me to rob a bank and I would say "Yes, sir". Sure enough, the fire runneth over and I cried out my orgasm as the shakes and shudders took over. I writhed against him and groaned as he came just after me.

"Oh, my god" I panted, flopping over. "I feel like we might need to have another shower" Till laughed, rolling over to the other side of the bed. "Probably, after I sleep though" I say as I roll over towards Till, adjusting the covers over the top of me. "So, tell me. Does the man who bent over his own keyboardist and fucked him on stage cuddle or is that for losers?" I giggle into the sheets. "It all depends on the lady I'm with" He inched in closer. "I asked you first" I look into his beautiful eyes. "...Only if I get to wrap you up in my arms" He grins and leans in for one last kiss as I nestle my tiny frame against his broad, buff body and soon drifted off to sleep.  
I awoke to the smell of coffee and bleary vision. Thank god for blinds. I check the bedside clock, 4:00pm. Shiiiiiiiiiit. Must've been a helluva night. Then it all comes rushing back to me. The gig, Rammstein, Till. Oh damn. I look over to realise I'm not in my own bed. I'm in Till Lindemann's bed. All this piecing shit together could wait until after coffee though. I gently rolled out from under him, careful not to wake him.

Last I checked, everyone was crashed out somewhere. My brain didn't process that maybe there were people awake or night owls home from their night-time shenanigans until I moved towards the table scattered with white powder, green specks and an array of razors, pipes and beer bottles toward the tray of coffee. And heard someone take a sharp breath in.

My head whipped around to see Richard sitting in one of the high-backed armchairs with a look of complete and utter shock. And the penny drops. And I realise, I wasn't wearing any clothes. "Ahhhhhhh. Sorry" I nod and try to hide that I'm furiously blushing and move back towards where I thought my clothes were. "No, I'm sorry. I just didn't expect this" Richard's face was nearly as pink as my own. "I'll just find my clothes. I'm so sorry" I walk back into Till's room and look for pants or my shirt, only to realise I had no actual idea as to where my clothes were. Oh shit, I think.

I kept looking but there was nothing that resembled my clothes or anything I could use as a cover-up. "Shit" I whisper, on my hands and knees frantically looking for clothes when something black is held in front of my face, a black shirt I realise. "If you want. Until you find your own clothes" Richard hands me the black shirt. I take it gratefully and yank it on over my head. It was huge. The hem of it hung down and covered my front just fine, even with the huge neck hole. My backside on the other hand, was always a struggle to cover. "I mean it's probably kind of pointless now but I don't want my body to freak anyone else out" I laugh awkwardly, trying to lighten the situation.

Richard goes a darker shade of pink. "I-it's not that. I just-You're beautiful and I'm sorry for staring. I just couldn't help myself". I smile at him. "Nothing to apologise for. You don't have to hide. We're all adults here" I gesture towards the chair he was previously sitting in. He walks back to the chair and takes a seat. "I never got to tell you last night. You were absolutely amazing. You really know how to command a crowd" Richard smiles at me. "Thank you. It was an honour to support such an awesome band" I feel my cheeks grow hot again. Compliments always make me feel shy and embarrassed. "I've always enjoyed Australian bands. There's more heart and passion in it" Richard summarised, and I had to agree. "I can't argue that" I laugh.

"How do you feel about Australia as a whole? Rammstein doesn't come here often" I asked, still smiling. Woah, I never realised how cute Richard was, I thought. "I personally love it. I won't speak for the other guys, but I do enjoy Melbourne. The multiculturalism and local music scene never cease to amaze me. Funnily enough it's how we discovered you guys. It was your debut gig the last time we were here. At The Tote. It was alright for a debuting band and I remember Till saying you had star power. That you didn't know it yet but it would bloom soon enough" Richard swirled the remains of his coffee and downed it.

"Oh my god. Yeah I remember that night. God I don't know how. I was freshly 18 and drunk off my tits" I laughed recalling the night. "Not to sound like a stalker but we've been following your band ever since" Richard concluded. "Wow so Rammstein are original fans?" I try to contain my inner fangirl. Rammstein, a fan of the band, oh my god, I felt starstruck. If this was an anime, I'd have the heart eyes for sure.


	7. Puppe Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Shit's about to get real. Scenes of the fetish/kink variety depicting a sadist (Someone who enjoys doling out the pain) and a masochist (Someone who enjoys receiving it) engaging in what might be considered an "extreme" situation will happen from Puppe Pt. 1 to Puppe Pt. 3. This is not an accurate depiction of a relationship between a sadist and masochist as no limits have been discussed. HOWEVER as the author, I'm eluding to rough SEX only. No imaginary characters were actually hurt or assaulted in the next few chapters. It's all consensual and I've done my best to keep it sexy but still insinuate consent there. If this is too much, skip to Sehnsucht. If you choose to stick around, enjoy my gutter-minded friends :)

We spent the next few hours reminiscing about our bands and sharing stupid tour/rehearsal stories. My little local band had nothing on the kings of Germany. We'd done our fair share of crazy shit but I can honestly say we've never been kicked out and banned from a whole state. "So, what's the story behind your tattoos?" Richard asks, changing up the subject. "Depends on which ones you're asking about. It's a bit 50/50. Some mean a lot, others not so much" I look down. "Ok, what about the one on your butt cheek?" Richard pokes his tongue out. I raise an eyebrow. 

"Are you asking about the tattoo on my bum or just my bum?" I ask, an audacious half smile playing on my lips. "Well, it is a cute tattoo on such a cute rump. Can you blame me?" Richard shrugs and smiles back, clearly hoping I'd oblige. 

"The devil face on my butt is just that. It was my first" I say, lifting up the hem of the precariously covering shirt and turning around to reveal the tattoo; a red female devil face who looked an awful lot like Bettie Page to the upper right part of my butt cheek. 

Richard's eyebrows went up and nodded. "Very nice" He breathed. "You're not talking about my tattoo, I know that" I mimic the smile of my devil tattoo, the cheeky "devil may care" smile and wink, slowly pulling the hem of the shirt up again to show off my "tattoo" again, knowing I was being a tease. He seemed a little nervous but he couldn't look away. "I have chest tattoos too you know" Wondering how far I could take this, or how far Richard would let me take it. So far, no arguments. 

His cheeks flushed. "Oh? I don't believe I saw them before" Richard says bravely. He seemed torn, like he didn't want to sound like a weirdo but he also wanted to have his way with me in the most primal way. This was too much fun. I pull the neckline of the shirt down to exhibit my "chest tattoos", which were situated along my collarbones and trickled down between my breasts and finished under them. It was an intricate gothic chandelier design featuring a goat skull, lace, crystals and a pentagram. It was a beautiful design, but I'd be lying if I said my boobs weren't the star of the show right now.

So, there I was, the hem of the shirt up around my hip and the neckline pulled down with one full titty out, "showing off" my "tattoos". Working in a strip club for a brief time definitely forced me to learn and acknowledge the best way to show off the money makers. Also helped that I'm extremely flirtatious. It'll get me into trouble one day, but until then. He couldn't look away; I could see it. But what was the internal battle I was seeing in his eyes? Like he felt he was being forced to hold something back. I was dying to know, so I continued to poke and prod until it showed itself. 

"I can see you had a good night last night" Richard finally said without judgement. Almost as if he were trying to think about something else but was failing miserably. "War wounds. You look like you want to add to the collection" I raise an eyebrow, calling him out. "And what if I did?" He asked quietly. "Till doesn't strike me as the type of man to mind sharing. And I'm not a one-man kind of girl" I said, taking the shirt off, back to square one. 

I walk towards him and sat on his lap and made myself comfortable. Wiggling my devil girl purposefully against his hips, caressing his face. Whatever mental chains were holding back whatever it was lurking beneath the surface finally snapped. My spell was cast. It took him mere seconds for him to grab the hand caressing his face, pin it behind my back, weave his hand in my hair and pull back. Hard. And it finally clicked. I did it, I grin, I won. "Are you sure you want this? If you change your mind, you need to tell me. Because I like it rough" He asked, looking deep into my eyes, trying to find a hint of fear, a splinter of terror. But there was none to be found.


	8. Puppe Pt. 2

I knew what he wanted and I was all too eager to give it. Or rather, receive it. "I want you to unleash your inner beast. Punish me, bind me, bend me to your will, sir" I say flirtatiously, knowing I was treading over a very serious line. This man had very dark thoughts swirling around in his head and I was being a very bad girl. Surely he'd have to punish me for that.

I didn't wait long to find out. He grabbed me by the waist and flipped me on my belly across his lap. He wasn't gentle about it. He held me down as he began his assault on my butt cheeks. Each spank felt like heaven and hell, hardly letting me get a break in between swats. After a few more swats, the outline of his hand on my arse felt etched in fire. "On your knees" he commanded and I obliged, sliding to the floor, smiling to myself. With a flourish of his hand, he undid his fly and my vagina all but screamed. Was it a prerequisite to have a huge cock and be a kinky son-of-a-bitch to be part of Rammstein? Or was the author of this fanfic just a dirty minded individual? I wondered to myself.

Either way, Richard didn't have to tell me twice. I licked up and down his shaft while looking him in the eye, letting a streak of defiance poke through in hopes he would try to crush it. I was right. His hand cracked across my face. The sting co-mingled with the all-too-familiar warmth between my legs. I continued my way down his shaft, taking in as much as I could. I took the risk of looking up,

Another sharp crack across my other cheek. "I like that you're a bratty one. It means I get to punish you more" Richard runs a hand through my hair, almost stroking it. "That's enough" He says as he grabs me by the throat and drags me up. His eyes were blue, piercing. Unlike Till's deep ocean blue, Richard's were like ice. Sharp and unrelenting. But I knew there would be no kindness should I want to continue.

He dragged me by the throat to his bedroom and threw me down on the bed. I wiggled my blackening booty at him enticingly. I was met with 6 hard swats across my butt cheeks, layering on top of my already fiery backside. I cried out but wiggled again. This elicited another volley of swats. He grabs my throat and whispered in my ear. "Keep it up and I might have to spank you again, meaning you won't be enjoying my cock any time soon" The weight on the bed shifted as he shuffles up behind me. "Open your mouth. I have to keep you quiet" I oblige and he pops a red rubber ball gag in my mouth. The ball settled nicely in my mouth and I turned around to sass him by biting the ball gag. "I did warn you" He said roughly, swatting my backside. 

The fire prints his hand made was nothing compared to the fire created when he slid into me. He was gentle but I still squealed around the ball gag. In case you didn't know, ten rounds definitely takes its toll, but Richard came prepared. He pulled out for a second and I heard a cap pop. I tried to twist around to look but I was met with my face being shoved into the doona.

Next I felt something cool press into me. It was lube. "I'm assuming you're still feeling the effects of Till. He's a very well-endowed gentleman, so I'll go easy. For now. If it starts to hurt, I want you to hold up the number 2 with your fingers and I will stop" Richard handcuffs my hands behind my back. "If you want it harder, hold your thumb up. I've cuffed your hands in place, so there's no hiding. Are you ready? Just nod if you are. Shake if you aren't and I'll stop everything" Richard states. I nod my head vigorously. "What a good little whore you are" I could hear the smile in his voice.

Despite my very clear consent to rough sex, he still eased into me slowly. He spent a few minutes going slow. After a while, the pain subsided completely and I was ready to please. I held my thumb up. "Are you sure?" He asked, stilling for a moment. I nodded my head enthusiastically. And sure enough, he started to really pound me. He was rough, but there was still an element of care that not many Doms had. Or sadists for that matter. He held me roughly by the wrists and brutalised me in the best way possible. The perfect balance of pleasure and pain.


	9. Puppe Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter but I still hope you enjoy what's in store for poor Lainie

"Mind if I watch?" A deep voice asks from behind us. I whip my head around to see Till in the doorway with an amused and lusty expression on his face as if it turned him on to see the woman he'd previously fucked being passed around amongst the guys. "It's up to the lady. Lainie, would you like Till to watch?" Richard stopped again and asked. I held up thumb up and nodded. "That's a yes you can" Richard continued to pound me roughly. 

Gripping and clawing me, spanking me when I acted sassy or bratty. Nearly the polar opposite of Till. Where there was affection in Till's daddy Dom style, Richard was all sadist/Dom. And it showed. I felt Richard's weight shift and his lips were right next to my ear. "Lainie, how would you feel about Till joining in?" He whispered, so Till couldn't hear it. I nodded and held my thumb up. "Would you like to join us big guy?" Richard asked Till, his pace slowing a little. "Is that ok?" Till's footsteps padded over the carpet. "Of course," Richard replied. 

Before I knew it, I had Till behind me and Richard back in my mouth, ball gag removed but warned not to speak. It was definitely interesting having the two of them together. Till was more playful and enjoyed raining kisses and nips down on me. Richard on the other hand, enjoyed being extremely rough. Pulling my hair, choking me, slapping me. They still seemed to maintain the same level of care, which I appreciated.

In the past, I had been treated as more of an object than a human. And I don't mind being treated rough. But there's a very big difference between being rough/kinky and treating someone with no respect. But both men, savage as they were brutalising me, were nothing but gentlemen.

A heat had been building in me for a long time and the combination of the two men was just too much. I looked up at Richard, pleading. "Does the little slut want to come?" Richard asked, pulling my nipple and twisting it. I nodded. "What do you think, Till. Has she been a good girl?" Richard asks. "Well I'd like to say yes but she has been sassy. What do you think?" I could hear the cheek in Till's voice. They wanted to torture me like this. "She's been incredibly naughty and sassy so I don't believe she deserves to" Richard concludes. I look up at him in desperation, begging him with my eyes. "No. You don't come until I say so" Richard shot me a look that said this was final and not to test him.

I nearly whimpered in frustration but I didn't make a noise. Instead I continued to suck Richard off in silence and didn't look at him, wanting to earn my release. Till's hands gripped my hips before trailing down between my legs. He began to rub my clit in an attempt to betray me. But I'd been told not to. I shut my eyes, trying to blur out the sensation. I couldn't take any more. Right then, Richard says the magic words. And I go tumbling over the edge with bliss.

So, for those of you that don't know, Doms and sadists usually perform something called "Aftercare" on their subs or masochists. For each sub and masochist, it's different. But I certainly wasn't going to say no to cuddles, cooling cream and massages. I had one big gorgeous man to cuddle while the hardcore sadist rubbed cooling cream into my butt before crawling up the other side of me, turning me into the meat in a sex-on-legs sandwich. Or I suppose maybe they're the meat? And I'm the bun? Because y'know, dicks. Anyway, I wasn't complaining. Two gorgeous men showering me with kisses and cuddles, what more could I want?


	10. Sehnsucht

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to being safe content...for now

The next few weeks were a hazy, sexy blur. Kiss This continued to support Rammstein on tour, but backstage? I had two of the most gorgeous men to enjoy. I was living the rockstar life. Sleep all day, rock out at night and then get blitzed at the afterparty. Sex, booze, drugs, I was on top of the world. I was penning some lyrics one day when I get a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hey sexy"

His deep voice blesses my ears and I smile, feeling warm and fuzzy.

"Hey sexy yourself. How can I help you?"

"So cold and direct, you break my heart"

I can hear the smile in his voice.

"I thought you krauts enjoyed bluntness"

"This is true. I was wondering what you were doing tonight?"

I think for a second and wonder...

"Only plan revolved around my guitar and a notebook. What did you have in mind?"

My heart was in my throat, my stomach was fluttering.

"Well, since I don't have a stage to dominate tonight, I thought I could take a beautiful woman out on a date. Have anyone in mind?"

I chuckle.

"Yeah I know someone. She's 5'3, blonde, is the frontwoman of a heavy metal band. Does she sound like your type?"

His laugh was like velvet.

"She sounds perfect. I'll come and pick you up at 6?"

"6? Damn that's pretty early. I can swing that"

"Trust me, I have a great night planned. I'll see you at 6"

The line goes dead.

Well fuck me. A date with one of the sexiest men I've ever known. The more we spent time together, the less he became some famous rockstar and the more he became sweet Till, the beautiful man who cared about me. Shit, I looked at the clock. 4pm. I had two hours to pick a killer outfit and do my face.

In the end, I decided on a thigh length, long sleeved, low cut black velvet dress that had studs down the sleeves, ripped fishnets, my best studded leather jacket and my trusty Doc Martens with something a little special underneath. My long blonde locks were straightened and teased for volume. My make-up was a basic smoky eye with a crimson lip. I was ready...with 15 minutes to spare.

I was full of nerves; my stomach was in knots. This was like stage fright but a million times worse. I mean, if a thousand strangers boo you off stage, yeah it sucks but they're just strangers. This was real life; I liked this guy. What if he changed his mind?

6:00pm on the dot, there's a knock at my door. Holy shit, I thought. My stomach felt 10 seconds from vomiting. But I took a deep breath and answered the door. There he was, looking absolutely divine. Hair tied back, a black t-shirt hugging every crevice, black jeans outlining those powerful thighs and a leather jacket.

He just stared at me. "Woah" he said under his breath, unable to believe his eyes. I blush and look down shyly. "Surprised I can polish up so well?" I giggle, since he'd only ever seen me in ripped jeans and a ripped shirt or singlet. Or naked. "No, I- you look beautiful" He smiles, making his eyes sparkle. "Thank you. So, what's the plan for tonight?" I ask, grabbing my bag and locking the door. He held his hand out and I take it with no hesitation. "That's for me to know and you to find out" Till winks and leads me out to the tram stop out the front of my apartment block.

My stomach was fluttering all the way to...wherever we were going. We got off at Bourke st and walked down a tiny alleyway. An alleyway I knew all too well and laughed. "Hofbräuhaus? You are kidding me. I love this place!" I grin. Till laughed. "I thought it would be funny and it was either here or Berlin bar. What's up next is even better though, I promise" He takes my hand and leads me towards the entry.

After some food and a few steins of beer, we left to go to whatever Till had planned. We got on another tram that took us out to Fitzroy, a nearby suburb. A little bougie but had some of the best venues for music. I started to narrow down the list of possibilities of cool places to go.

I'd narrowed it down to 3 different venues as we got off and walked up Johnston St. "Not to spoil the vibe but I might be on to you. Are we going to see a local gig?" I ask. "Maybe. Just wait and see" Till smiled at me and squeezed my hand.

Sure enough, we reach The Tote and Till gestures for me to lead the way. I smile at him and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you, this is amazing" I pull him by the hand inside. I had a feeling I knew who was playing tonight but I wasn't 100% sure. Being in the metal scene meant you probably had mates playing at different venues, knowing all the up and coming talent, knowing the right people etc. so it wasn't hard to figure out who was playing when and where but some nights there were just too many gigs to count and I couldn't remember if it was Cemetery Urn playing The Tote, Greytomb or Hellspit. Either way I wasn't complaining.


	11. Das Modell

Till had ordered us two pints of beer and I asked him what made him pick this place. "Well there's a lot of undiscovered talent here but I also thought if I wanted to impress you on a date, a live gig would be the best way. You don't strike me as a fancy dinner and roses kind of woman" He smiles, clinking his pint against mine. "You were 100% right. It does however mea-" I didn't even get to finish my sentence when an old friend had spotted me and raced over to say hi. 

"Hey beautiful! Where have you been hiding?" She kisses my cheek and hugs me, completely ignoring Till. "Hey babe. I've just been on tour but I'm home for now. Not for much longer though" I wink at her. "Oh of course. Yeah I've been keeping up via the band's Facebook. You right for a drink? I'll get your next one, I gotta go find Jared" She wanders off in search of her boyfriend. 

"Uh yeah. That's gonna happen a lot tonight. Sorry" I laugh nervously. Till lets out a whistle and laughs. "So, this is clearly your kingdom" He runs his hand up my back. "We can leave if it's gonna bother you" I say, hoping to stay. "Better someone else for a change rather than myself" Till held his hands up. Over the course of an hour, 7 people had come over to say hey and it was through them I found out we were here for a stoner/sludge/doom night with Greytomb headlining. Sweet, I though. 

Most of those people got the gist I was on a date and made it quick, occasionally buying me a round. It wasn't long until showtime and I was hangin for it. Till and I ducked out into the beer garden for a quick smoke where it was still fairly quiet and it was there that I was approached by the vocalist of some stoner cover band, Deep Sabbath. Wonder who they do covers of. I'd met Devin through the scene and let em support one of our gigs at Mr Boogie Man Bar in Collingwood ages ago. 

"Lainie? Is that you? It's been forever, dude. What's happening?" Devin grins and saunters over. He plops down next to me, not even seeing the guy I was with. As much as I liked Devin's talent and his band, I can't really say I liked the guy but I acted polite anyway. Until he gave me a reason not to. "Yeah just been on tour. About to head off again" I smile coolly. "Oh nice, so it's all comin' up for you guys huh. Hey since you're here, you wanna come up with us for a few songs? We've got 'Paranoid' on the setlist" Devin asked. "Gee I'd love to but I'm on a date" I said, gesturing towards Till. His face fell for all but a second as he sized up Till. Till shrugged. "I don't see the problem. I can't hold back a star" Till rumbled, holding my hand and kissing my cheek. 

Devin looked crestfallen at this gesture and said they were on in 10 and he'd call me up just before Paranoid. "Cool, thanks Devin" I wave as he walked off. "So, what's up with this guy? He clearly fancies you" Till grins before adding, "I don't blame him". I roll my eyes and say, "He does, I just ignore it" I shake my head. "Are you sure you don't mind?" I ask, feeling bad for agreeing to neglect my date. "Are you kidding? I love watching you perform. It takes a special kind of person to be able to front a band well" Till leans in and kisses my lips.

"We've got some metal royalty in the house tonight, ladies and germs. And she has agreed to a song so let's give it up for Lainie Clarkson of Kiss This!" Devin leans down from the small stage and holds out his hand. I grab his hand and step up on to the stage, nearly pulling my bloody hamstring in the process. Devin hands me his mic and bows his way off stage. 

"Enjoying the show, guys?" I start. This is met with assorted whoops and cheers, notably louder whoops than Devin was getting. "This is an old favourite of mine, takes me back to my teen years when I was first discovering stoner metal" I gesture to the guitarist, hoping he'd catch my drift. Sure enough, he starts working his way through the first few notes of the intro. The room went nuts as soon as they figured out what was up next. "So, it's safe to assume you all know this one?" I gesture to the audience to scream louder and they oblige.

The first verse rolled around and I was feelin' the vibe. Rarely having the chance to act too crazy thanks to the guitar that lives around my neck, I abused the privilege. From just strutting around more to dancing to interacting with the other band members, I got into it. "Can you help me, occupy my brain!" I growl before aggressively headbanging. I felt right at home under the spotlight.

The song ended and I applauded the band, patting the boys on the back. I felt myself sweating under my jacket as I wandered off stage, thanking Devin on my way off. "No problem" He gives me a tight smile and I shake his hand. "I owe you one" I say as I walk off to find Till. 

I should've known he would've been up front and centre. He spots me and gives me a huge grin, hugs me and lifts me up in his arms. "You sounded amazing and looked...effervescent" He kisses my lips. Boom. The heat between us created a flash. I laugh as he puts me down. "Another beer, my lady?" He asks, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, his bicep bigger than my head. "God yes please"


	12. Frühling in Paris

By the time Greytomb hit the stage, I was starting to feel the effects of the constant rounds of beer being bought for me. Till on the other hand, despite the amount he was drinking, seemed stone cold sober. It felt nice, being out on a date with a beautiful person who cared about me. He was sweet, funny and just the right amount of cheeky. We spent the next two hours headbanging along and moshing in the pit which seemed to burn off a lot of the alcohol.

At the end of the gig, I felt my phone vibrate and I dug through my bag to find it. It was from Richard.

"What are you doing tonight?"

I raised an eyebrow. This was clearly a booty call.

"I'm on a date" I respond.

"With who?"

Was that envy mixed with a bit of jealousy?

"One guess"

"Of course. You two have a good night"

The conversation abruptly ends in those few cold words. I couldn't explain it but a small pang of sadness lingered.

Till poked his head over my shoulder. "Who was that?" He kisses my neck tenderly. "Jeez you're both as bad as each other" I laugh. His face changed, almost darkened, for a split second. "Ah. Richard. I didn't tell him I was taking you out tonight" Till looked away. "Have you told anyone about, well, this?" I ask, kind of hurt that he kept this to himself. "I have. Look it's complicated. Just please forget about it?" He begged. I would not, I thought. "Ok, I don't want whatever it is to spoil our night" I smile and lie through my teeth as I lean in to kiss him.

After the Greytomb gig, it was pretty much fair game and we ended up at some goth night in the CBD. The music was pounding and the dance floor was a sea of fishnet, PVC and black. Lots of black. A few more friends came over to say hey but my mind never seemed to leave the text and the weird conversation. What did he mean? Was there something I wasn't seeing? I had to find out, I decided. I'd have to stay sharp and do some poking around.

Till and I found ourselves on the dance floor. He pulled me in and held me close. Not so much in a slow dance kinda way, more of a when-she-grinds-on-me-I-wanna-feel-it, holding on to me in all the places that would usually be deemed "inappropriate". This only encouraged me to dirty dance, bumping and grinding in all the right places.

His hand began to migrate from my hips to my thigh and I was curious about what this devious man was up to. I shouldn't have bothered wondering. The hem of my dress was inched further and further up until his hand slid under the hem of my dress. His fingers brushed my underwear and he made a face at me. I wink at him and nudged his hand, encouraging him to continue. I knew that look. He felt that lace and he knew he was in.

I felt the lace shift and his fingers grazed my clit. I had to fight back a flinch so it didn't look too obvious. He tilted my chin up and looked into my eyes. He was enjoying the gentle torture he was inflicting. He kissed me, his tongue gliding over mine. I was beginning to feel warm between my legs, aside from his hand. I grabbed the hand that was under my dress and drag him by it to the nearby bathroom.

We sneak into a stall in the bathroom, lock the door and within seconds, we were in each other's arms. His hot kisses only making me want him more as I strip him of his jacket and shirt. We probably didn't have long but a few minutes was all we needed. That is, until we left the club to finish things up.

His hands glided over my body with easy as he unzip his fly, hitched my dress up and slid my panties to one side. I leaned over and he didn't need to be asked twice. Or once. He slid into me and held on to my hips as we became one. The friction we made was a pleasurable kind of pain that only encouraged my orgasm, taking it higher and higher. We did try to stay quiet, but sometimes in the primal throws of passion, you can't help yourself. Till fixed that problem by putting his hand around my throat and squeezing gently which only made me want to come more.

I felt a new wave of wetness tingle between my legs as I was pushed closer and closer to the limit. With one final thrust of Till's colossal cock, I was pushed over the edge. Till's hand moved up from my throat to my mouth as I rode it out.

I feel him still behind me and know I'm not the only one. He pulls out of me and I straighten up, pulling my dress down. Till grabs me by the waist and pulls me in for a kiss. It was sweet and affectionate, unlike our animalistic fucking. "Should we get out of here?" I ask in a low voice, not completely satisfied yet. He raises an eyebrow at me and grins. "There's no sating you is there" He kisses me again. "Is that a problem? Or are you having a hard time keeping up?" I joke. "Definitely no problem"


	13. Ein Lied

I wake up in my bed to the morning light trying to make its way into my room. I check my clock and realise it's actually the afternoon sun that's trying to ruin the moment. I look over at the German deity in my bed. A little bit of light illuminated his sleeping face and just...wow. 

There were no words to describe how gorgeous he looked. The right amount of light and shadow seemed to chisel his jawline, shoulders and chest to perfection. I roll over slowly to ease myself reluctantly out of bed. I didn't really want to get out of bed but I figured he would prefer not to be woken up with sex, given our strenuous activities last night. Or earlier this morning. 

I walked out to the kitchen to boil the kettle and find a cigarette. I managed to find a half empty deck and light one up as my phone vibrates.

"Message me when you're free next"

I half smile and exhale the smoke. A weird fluttery feeling ran through my body, sort of like butterflies in my stomach, but more like an elephant stampede down lower. No not there, but close. What was I feeling? I wondered. I hadn't even noticed that I'd started tapping out a response until it was time to hit send. 

I paused. I had a very attractive man in my bed and I was texting another guy. I mean, Till said we weren't exclusive and I told him the feeling was mutual. We enjoyed each other's company and we cared about each other but not only was this extremely new but I knew he had a reputation. God knows I did too. And as much I was feeling a little guilty with my thumb hovering over the "send" button, I was in fifty minds about it. Should I or shouldn't I stoke the fire? I wondered. There was nothing really stopping me except for me. 

I put my phone down without pressing send in favour of a simpler task, like brewing coffee. Once my coffee was made, I sat down on my couch and grabbed my notebook. Most people kept a journal of their inner most thoughts. However, an artists' journal was different. A painter might create their best work from a canvas painted in anguish and turmoil. An author might weave their issues into their book or fanfic. A dancer will leave it all out on the stage. A musician, AKA me, tended to turn to their music when in need of solace from the outside world. Right now? I just wanted to lose myself in my guitar.

My old battered acoustic sat familiarly in my lap as I strummed quietly, careful not to make too much noise. Its blue paint had seen much, much better days and it had plenty of bumps and scratches. Given that it was over 10 years old and my first guitar, it had survived very well. I had quite a few guitars that had all seen their fair share of battle fields, but this one was always my favourite. 

I first saw it in my local pawn shop when I was 10 and I knew I had to have it. So I asked the man who ran the shop how much it would cost. He laughed at me but he said he'd give it to me for $100. I'd scraped all my birthday money and allowance together that year and took the guitar home. At the time it was way too big for me and the shop keeper said it was older than I was. But there was something alluring about the black fade to royal blue that I just had to have. 

Pissed my mother off to no end but I'd sit down and strum and try to figure out how it all worked. She eventually got sick of me sounding terrible and getting frustrated so she sent me to a music school three nights a week to learn. I learned how to read music, how the body and strings worked together. The more I learned, the more beautiful it all sounded to me. My hands were too small to really work the frets but it didn't stop me. I'd been through several bands from the age of 13, most of which were just garage jam sessions that never seemed to lead anywhere. But I knew from the beginning of Kiss This that there was something there. I wasn't sure what but we sounded different than a jam sesh. We sounded right and we sounded real. 

I wasn't playing anything in particular, I was just kind of staring off into space and strummed absent-mindedly. Nothing was really coming to me but I didn't care. I more needed the music than the inspiration. Thoughts kept swirling through my mind, interrupting my musical reverie so I kicked it up a notch. First song that came to mind was 'Heaven Beside You' by Alice In Chains. 

I wasn't 100% sure of the notes but eh, fuck it. I got into it as well as I could knowing the few notes of the song I knew and fiddled my way through the rest. Around the first chorus, I was beginning to feel better and started getting cockier. I reached the end of the song and decided to go in a different direction. 'Balls to the Wall' by Accept was the next song to be butchered. It was a song I at least knew the notes to. I got into it, head banging and just...feeling the music. And that's how Till found me; rockin' out half naked in my lounge room to old school German metal.

I hadn't noticed I had company until I heard him clear his throat behind me. I didn't stop but I did turn around while working my way through the second verse. "You're up early" I grin, still gliding over the frets. He nodded and smiled. "You really like your Germans don't you?". "As much as I love Accept, I can honestly say that Udo is talented, that's about it. Now Wolf Hoffmann on the other hand" I poke my tongue out and wink, still strumming. "He's a pretty handsome guy. I can't blame you" Till laughed. 

I stopped playing and put my guitar down in it's usual spot; somewhere on my couch. "What are we doing?" I ask Till, wanting shit to just get sorted. "Well I'm not sure. I'll probably go back to the hotel. Unless you had something else in mind" His smile turned wolfish as he walked over to where I was standing with my hands on my hips. "Not what I mean" I say. "Ah. You mean, what are we doing?" Till put his arms around my waist. "Yeah. I mean, I know I like you. A lot. More than I probably should. But I don't want to just date and be with one person" I frown. 

Till laughs at me. "Who said you had to only date and be with one person? My dear the only time I'll ever place a collar on you is in the bed room. I love that you're so free spirited, it's what drew me to you. Why would I want to clip your wings? Seriously if this is about Richard, I encourage you to go for it. He's a great guy. And besides, if you're dating us both, I'm sure all three of us can have a lot of fun together" He jokes as he kisses my cheek. I was basically given Till's blessing, but why did this still feel funny?

I turn my head and look him in the eyes. His face was genuine. His blue eyes were twinkling and his smile was warm. "Are you sure? You seemed weird last night when Richard texted me" I call him out. His expression dropped, clearly not expecting me to pull that back up. Game. Set. Match. "Do you want me to lie to you or do you want the honest truth?" Till looks down. "The truth. Always" I brace myself. I had to know what was happening but I also didn't want to know. I sit down and pat the couch, gesturing for him to sit down.


	14. Was Ich Liebe

"I don't want to say too much because not all of it involves me" Till warns. I nod. "I'm sure I'll piece it together" I say with an edge, an attempt to get him to talk faster. "I was talking to Richard after the night of the threesome" Till paused as if to re-shuffle his thoughts, or omit things.

"He told me some things, and I told him some things" He took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. "I told him, that I had feelings for you. Strong feelings. I know I told you I want you to go out and have fun, but I didn't feel like that when I talked to him" He looked down again, embarrassed about what he was saying. "It was Richard that told me I needed to take a step back" He finally looked back up. I let out the breath I'd been holding in. My head started to spin. "Ok so first you tell me you don't care what I do, now you tell me you were, what? Jealous?" I look at him, scrutinising him.

He reached for my hands and I let him hold them. "Lainie, I've never felt the way I feel about you. I don't really know what to do or what to say other than I like what we're doing and it feels good" He gives me that lop-sided smile and my heart melts. I smile at him. I can't really be mad at another person for how they feel.

Till, being inspired by my half naked, care-free headbanging, decided to go back to the hotel and write some music of his own. Once he was gone, I decided to test some limits. 

"What did you and Till talk about?"  
Near on instantaneous response.  
"What did he tell you?"  
"Nothing that incriminated you. He omitted that stuff. I want to hear it from you"  
I didn't get a response for an hour or so.

"Knock knock"  
I looked at my phone screen, confused. But I move towards my front door and open it. And there he was, leaning against my door frame with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth looking as dangerous as ever. "Rough night?" He gestures towards a bite mark on my neck. I nearly asked what he meant but I'd happened to notice the large bruise in the reflection of my kettle. I step out of my doorway, the universal gesture for "Come in".

"Tea? Or something stronger?" I ask, preparing to boil the kettle. "Got anything stronger?" He asks, keeping his distance from me. "You've got a choice out of my two favourite men; Jack Daniels or Jose Cuervo. Or there's some vodka in my freezer" I look at him expectantly. "Jack Daniels on the rocks is always good" He tried to smile, but I saw straight through it. I pour two Jack Daniels on the rocks and bring the bottle with me. Something tells me I'd need it. Or he would. Either way, I figured that bottle of Jack wouldn't survive the conversation.

"So, what's going on?" I ask once Richard had settled down on my couch. He looked taken aback as if my bluntness was a shock. "Well, what did Till tell you?" Richard asked, refusing to sell out his bandmate. "Just that he had feelings for me. He didn't say anything about you" I shrugged, taking a mouthful of Jack. It burned going down but I enjoyed it.

Richard looked away, took a breath. "What if I told you, that I liked you too?" He looked at me, searching for some kind of nick in my cool façade. "Ah. Figured" I took another mouthful of Jack. My life could never be simple could it. Richard cocked his head and I gestured for him to continue, knowing there was more to this. "I-I confided in Till that I started to like you...and he told me he liked you too. Problem is, I figured I didn't have a fighting chance" Richard took another swig of Jack. My heart buzzed with electricity and instinct overtook logic. I leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't particularly passionate or sexy, but there was affection there. Richard made a noise that sounded like surprise but soon enough, he completely surrendered to my taking control.

I broke away and looked him in the eyes. His eyes were different to Till's. Richard's were icy and cold, but there was something else there. "Why did you do that?" Richard asked softly, holding his hand up to his mouth. "To show you that I like you too. I like you both. I know you put up a tough front to keep your distance from people, but I can see through it to the gem underneath" I reach for his hands and squeeze them.

His face lit up as he smiled. "What, were you expecting me to just blow you off?" I laughed. His cheeks flushed for a second and nodded. "Richard, I like you. I want to see where this goes. But you need to know, I won't be tied down to one person" I look into his eyes. But he was genuine with what he said next. "I would never ask to do that to you. I don't wish to claim you" Richard's thumb brushed over my knuckles. "To be honest? I'm not great at talking to people or showing what I truly feel. But there's no denying the way I feel about you" He kisses me softly on the cheek.


	15. Nebel

I was right about the bottle of Jack. It didn't withstand the hours we spent talking, laughing and just chillin'. Like any guitarist though, we had to have a dick measuring contest. I had my old blue acoustic and when I told Richard to take his pick, he all but bee-lined for the red sunburst Gibson acoustic in my guitar collection.

"Would've thought you'd have gone for one of my ESPs" I gestured to the electric guitars selection. I had a bit of everything; a few Gibsons, a few ESPs, a few Fenders but there were also a few no-name guitars there as well as a 50/50 ratio between electric and acoustic. "You know how there's guitars you perform with and then there's that one guitar at home that you write with? Not because it's special as in it's all that, but you're drawn to it for no reason" Richard asked, tuning it to his liking. "Ah. So you are a musician" I laughed as I held up my blue guitar. "Well this one reminds me of my old faithful" Richard shrugged, satisfied at its tuning. I completely understood what he was saying and nodded. "This was my first" I smiled down at the battered guitar settled comfortably in my lap. Richard smiled down at it. "It doesn't look like much to me but I bet you know every notch, bump and quirk. Yes?" He asked. "Of course I do" I say. "You ready?" He asks.

And that's how we enjoyed each other's company until we decided to order in; trading licks of our favourite songs on my couch and playing shit we whipped up in our heads. "I never thought I'd say this about another guitarist but you might just be as good as I am. Maybe" Richard laughed. "I was just about to say the same thing about you" I poke my tongue out. "Well excuse me" He feigns offence and laughs. I started strumming absent-mindedly. It still doesn't drown out the sound of my stomach grumbling.

"Bout time for dinner isn't it?" Richard chuckled as my stomach gurgled again. "Apparently so. The boss has spoken. Now is the real question; Chinese or pizza? Or something else entirely" I ask, putting my guitar down reluctantly. "Pizza of course. Know of a decent hole in the wall around here?" Richard asked, following suit and putting the guitar back in the rack. "Plenty of holes in the wall. Probably not ones you eat at though" I laughed, taking a prime opportunity to crack a disgusting joke. Richard twigged immediately. "That was extremely bad, I love it" He smiled. "In all seriousness, there's a decent place just down the road next to the bottle shop should you want to grab some more Jack" I cock my head, awaiting his decision.

So we wandered up to the pizza shop and ordered. It wasn't the cleanest or the classiest. Hell they didn't even have gourmet pizza on the menu, but the pizza was to die for. I made sure whenever I moved to locate the best pizza shop and the thing I'd learned over the years was that the dodgier it looked, the better the pizza seemed to be. After we ordered, we walked two doors down and bought two bottles of Jack Daniels and walked back to the pizza shop. "So what are we gonna do once we get back to my place?" I ask Richard. He pondered my question and responded with "Bad movies and pizza?" He offered, grasping my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. It's like he could read my mind. "Hell yes. I've got some bad B-graders sitting around if you're down" I nod, wondering where exactly they were. "Done deal" Richard leaned down and kissed me.

We got everything back to my place and binge watched movies. My b-grade movie collection was definitely what could've been classed as extensive. From sub-par slashers to terrible thrillers, I had it all. I figured since we were eating dinner that Eat would be a good start. It was a movie about a woman with a disease called autophagia which compels her to eat herself. So y'know, good romance movie. We started out at nearly opposite ends of the couch but by the time the movie was over, I was in his arms. Not out of fear, more out of deviance. I mean, isn't this what watching movies with your lover is all about? Putting on a "scary" movie to have an excuse to inch closer and closer until.

"So what next? I'm sure I have a movie that can trump a psychotic eating disorder" I turn to Richard. "I bet I have a better one in mind" Richard smiled wryly at me. I was intrigued. The look on his face was suggesting something devilish and I had to know what. "Oh? And what did you have in mind?" I run my hand down his thigh towards his knee. He stopped my hand by grabbing my wrist and bringing it back up slowly before letting go. "I know you're not that innocent" Richard said as his hand trailed up to my neck. And the penny drops. "Ahhh you're suggesting a home movie?" I raise an eyebrow. He shrugged. "I'm down if you are" Richard said, kissing my neck. I straddle his lap, much like at the party when I was with Till, and wonder if I'll see his sadist streak tonight.

He kissed me with ferocity that made me blush. The way he cupped the back of my neck felt as if he were trying to say he'll claim me, after taking his sweet time tormenting me. There was a certain dangerous air about him that I just couldn't shy away from. He tilted my head to the side and trickled nips down my neck, his bites layering over Till's. I moaned in pleasurable pain as he laid down a hard blow across my left butt cheek. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He whispered in my ear. I nod and say he can use my phone. He held on to my thighs and picked me up. I let out a yelp and giggle at the gesture as he carried me through the bedroom door that led off the lounge area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, how are we feeling about all this? Feel free to drop a comment or some constructive criticism. Content warning for the next chapter, shit's about to get real again.


	16. Feuerräder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Shit's getting real again. If this is not what you're looking for, skip to the next chapter. Enjoy folks

My room was set out fairly sparsely. As I had a full space to myself, I didn't see the point in cluttering what I considered to be a sacred space. It contained a bed, a trunk at the foot of my bed, a vanity table and a small bookshelf that housed my favourite books. A few other...modifications were added after I bought the place. Richard laid me down on the bed that was notably gentler than our first time together. "Where do you want to set the phone up?" I ask, kissing his neck. He closes his eyes for a moment, apparently savouring my kisses. He looked around and decided that the vanity would provide the best lighting and angle as it was just below my bedroom window, which is why I chose to put it there; for the best make-up lighting.

Once it was all set up and I was stripped down to my modest but still somewhat cute panties, I told Richard to go through the chest at the end of my bed to find some things that he might enjoy using. I guess you could call it a toybox as it had an abundance of vibrators, various contraptions to bind me, different spanking implements, sensory deprivers and stimulators, plugs and suction toys and an array of things he could use to please me, tease me and abuse me to his liking. His eyes glowed at all the choices that had been presented to him. He looked at me, a near-on Satanic grin beginning to spread across his face. "What a naughty little collection you've procured" He said in a husky tone. I shrugged. "What can I say? You picked the right girl to massacre and I curate my collection to what I enjoy" I say, crawling down the bed towards him.

In the end, he chose the studded riding crop, an O-ring gag, a body harness made for suspension with matching wrist and ankle cuffs that binds my wrists behind my back with D-rings to hook the ankle cuffs up to, a blindfold, the studded leather flogger, a wireless clitoral bullet massager, a smaller flogger made for genital spanking, some rope, a thick collar that had spikes pointing inwards made to be pressed into the flesh of my neck, the lube, one of the bigger stainless-steel butt plugs that had a jewel-encrusted base and of course some condoms. "Is it safe to assume the rigging in here is structurally stable?" Richard asked, holding out the body harness. I nodded and step into the thigh garters of it and slipping the arm straps over my shoulders. Next he buckled me in and told me to bend over. I knew what was coming and obliged with no hesitation. "Do you have a problem with the size of the plug I chose?" Richard asked. "No" I respond.

I heard the top pop on the lube bottle and there was a moment of silence as he prepared the plug. It felt a little cool but he must have warmed it up as it wasn't as cold as it should have been. He began gently working it in, twisting it and nudging. I felt myself spread further and further open and it began to burn around the full diameter before...I no longer felt the burn as the plug settled inside me. "On your knees" He commanded, grabbing the back of my harness roughly and pulling me up. I didn't make a sound as he held me against him and moved the plug around. I felt it shift pleasurably inside me and I couldn't help grinding my hips. He soon stopped and his hand creeped around to my pussy. He slid a finger inside me and I had to bite my tongue to fight back a moan. 

He let go of me and I sank down to my knees and bowed my head as a sign of submission. He quickly buckle the collar around my neck and made quick work of the gag. I wiggled my jaw to settle the ring and felt it comfortably settle in my mouth. He buckled the cuffs around my wrists and ankles but only secured my wrists at the back. My chest was now bared to him. He dragged me on my knees by the harness to a spot on the floor I knew very well. Just above this particularly worn spot, was high class suspension rigging bolted into the mahogany beams of the ceiling. There were several suspension points for all sorts of morbid fun.

There were straps and rings that hung down and with the right points selected on both the harness and the rigging, the act of suspending someone and pulling them up could be quite easy. I felt him thread one length of rope through several D-rings on the back of the harness. First were three points across my shoulder, two points at my waist and used another length at the two points at my hips and another two points across my thighs. I felt him pull on the rope as he prepared to thread the ends of the rope through the rigging. He started to pull and I started to feel my body lift off the ground. He stopped pulling once I was at his eye level and knotted the rope in a way that made sure I wouldn't move. Next to be hoisted was the bottom part of my body. He clipped my ankles to other two points at my hips which meant I was completely bared to him, my thighs now forced apart by his calculated bondage.

I was hanging at an angle which meant my breasts were hanging enticingly out of my harness, hopefully tempting Richard. My back was arched in a way that presented my posterior very nicely, which is what I was sure he was going for. With the camera rolling, it was time to begin. "Are you ready? Remember your hand gestures" Richard reminded me. I just nodded. I couldn't see what was happening so you can imagine my surprise when I feel a gentle but harsh swat from something hard and studded on my left cheek. The riding crop. I strained against the harness in surprise but I don't make a sound. The studs bit in more and more with each blow, turning my butt cheeks a fiery wonderland still to be explored.

Occasionally I felt him press into the plug and jiggle it around. It made the most exquisite sensation when jiggled just right. And that was just the plug on its own. There was still more delicious torture to come. So when he slipped the massager into my panties while toying with the plug, I nearly couldn't breathe. I managed to suck in a breath and tried not to squirm but it was getting too much and I didn't want to know what kind of horrific punishment Richard would inflict if I came too soon. Leave me strung up until he thought I'd suffered without his touch enough? Not let me come again? Stop everything and untie me? Whatever he did, it would be horrible and I couldn't have that.

He decided that I was just fine the way I was so with the remote for the vibrator in one hand and the studded flogger, he got to work. Pulsing the vibrations in between lashings, my skin was on fire with pleasure and pain. His brutalising magma washed over me again and again as he made the sadist's promise that he'd claim me when my fleshy canvas was painted to his liking. Occasionally stopping the leathery assault to trail the tails of the flogger down the body, the cool spikes electrifying my blazing skin. I felt his hand move to the back of my collar, gently pulling it. It drove the spikes that lined the inside of it into the delicate skin of my neck. I nearly gasped. One of his hands moved down my bleeding back, my waist and finally settled at my hips while the other reached into my panties, taking the vibrator out. With a rough yank, my panties were history. Shredded at his hand. I was now completely bared and vulnerable. I thought maybe he was winding down. My mistake. I heard the padding of footsteps move away, some extra rummaging and then the cold bite of my alligator nipple clamps. They had serrated but blunt teeth and could be tightened if you yanked on the chain connecting them. I felt the tip of the crop again, being languidly drawn around my body. I felt it leave my skin and I braced for impact. 

I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter. He took his shirt off and I was in awe. Till was a broad, tall, solid guy. Richard on the other hand was a little smaller, nearly...lithe. But his body was still gorgeous to me, a deadly weapon. Every rock-hard surface, every valley, every ridge I drank in with lust. He stood in front of me, his forehead resting against mine, his fingers quickening between my legs. "You're not allowed to come yet" He growls at me before claiming my lips. He nibbled my bottom lip, pulses of pleasure raking my body. He pulled his hand away, much to my dismay and relief. He moved behind me and I felt him mess around with my rigging. My bottom bonds went slack before being hoisted up a little higher. "Is that ok?" He asked, rope-in-hand and ready to lower me if I said no. I nodded my head and the rope was knotted, my bondage secure once again.

I hear the crinkling of foil before he says, "I don't think we'll need lube. You've made such a mess of yourself" He states in mock disapproval. I reply with a wanton wiggle of my hips. His hand graces my butt with a hard slap that nearly echoed as it bounced off the walls. "Don't get smart now or I'll deprive you of your release for longer" He threatens. I stop and he slides himself inside me. I squeak. The fullness of both him and the plug was getting too much. "Don't" Another threat. "Please?" I ask panting, a fire building higher and higher in the pit of my belly. "Ask me nicely and I'll consider it" He asked, using languid thrusts, making me teeter on the edge. "Please...let me come, sir" I cry. His hands creep up my ribs towards my breasts, pulling on the chain, making them tighter. I bite my lip. "I don't know..."He trails off as he brushes his fingertips over my bulging nipples. "Please? I won't last much longer" I grit my teeth. He stops for a moment. "Now" He whispers in my ears. With one almighty thrust, I fall over the edge, again and again.


	17. Mein Teil

I hiss as Betadine is pressed into the cuts on my back. It stings like icy fire against my battered skin. "You can take a beating better than most and it's disinfectant that hurts you?" Richard raises his eyebrow at me, an amused lilt in his voice. "You're not the one who looks like they fucked Freddy Krueger" I shot back, a matching lilt to my own words. "Are you sassing the person who's making sure you don't get a nasty infection?" Richard asks, pressing a little harder into a particularly deep gash.

I hiss again at this gesture. "No" I say quickly. The cross-hatching down my back looked worse than it really was but I knew some of the deeper ones would scar, a permanent reminder of my first real night with Richard. "That's what I thought" He said, sticking a band-aid over one of the nasty ones. The shallower ones wouldn't need band-aids but the real nasty ones would need a little extra help.

After Richard had applied my aftercare, we played the video back. Watching myself be sodomised in the way that I was brought back a very familiar sensation. "Is it just me or..." I trail off, biting my lip. "Does the little whore want an encore?" He smiled at me, covered in bruises from my restraints, indentations from spikes and blood from various openings in my flesh, passively asking for it. "I'm just saying I'm feeling it. I just asked if you were" I shrug nonchalantly. He chuckles and pushes me down on to the bed by my throat, kissing my lips and making me his for a second time.

With a few extra bruises and scrapes to add to the collection, Richard says it's time for him to go. I pout but I don't make an argument. "Aww ok" I say sadly, hoping he would've stayed the night. I didn't want the night to end completely, I just wanted to spend more time in his arms. But like a good hostess, I walked him to my door. "Be a good girl" He kisses my forehead, opens the door and disappears into the night.

With the door shut, I press my back against it and wince. The pain doesn't stop me from sliding down to the floor into an exhausted, burning pile. Without really knowing why, tears began to form before rolling down my cheeks, stinging where he slapped me. I heard a loud voice outside, one-sided. As if someone were talking on the phone. No not talking, maybe arguing? I reach an arm up and open the door slightly.  
"It's none of your business!"  
That German accent. I'd recognise it anywhere.  
"I...I can't help it"  
There was silence before a few words were spoken in German. Hanging around with the guys meant I'd managed to pick some of it up. There was something about an...agreement? I heard my name said. Oh god they're talking about me, I thought. I should've shut the door. Why didn't I shut the door?  
"Don't be like this. I haven't felt this way for so long and you know it"  
Really should shut the door.  
"I know we agreed but...I can't abide by my word and you can't abide by yours"  
I was frozen, listening to a conversation I didn't want to hear. I shouldn't hear. Richard said it was none of Till's business but it was also none of mine.  
There was some more German exchange which didn't sound particularly nice before the conversation ended. Oh shit...  
My mind was reeling. I knew this was all too good to be true. I didn't know how to feel, I had two German deities of sex chasing after me and from the sounds of it, I'd be made to choose.


	18. Links 2, 3, 4

I hardly slept that night. Overhearing a conversation not meant to be heard rattle the façade that this was all going to be ok. Of course it wasn't. I knew this was going to happen. Stupid me. This wasn't nothing, I'd invested my heart in these two men and they were going to tear me in two.

Morning light came before I'd managed to get even 4 hours of sleep. I got up and made my coffee Irish style. I had nowhere to be so I decided on a bit of a mental health day. And by mental health day I meant drinking on my couch and mourning the loss of the warm, fluffy days with my two guys. I couldn't help the way I was thinking; I didn't want it to be up to me to choose and I knew neither of them would give up without a fight. After an hour or so, I ditched the Irish coffee in favour for straight up booze. The day got hazier the longer I sat on the couch and avoided my phone.

I could hear it vibrating and making noise, alerting me of notifications I didn't want to read. Why did I have to do this to myself? I asked myself, taking another swig out of my low baller. The whiskey burned and warmed me but left me wanting. Wanting Till, wanting Richard. My phone went off again but the ringtone told me it was one of my bandmates. Shit, I did have something to do today. Band practice. In the blur of the drama, I'd completely forgotten. I got up and immediately a wave of alcohol sent a shock through my body. I rocked on my heels but stayed upright.

I staggered into my room just to see the missed call notification pop up. I attempted to tap in my passcode, failing miserably. Beauty of iPhones though, I attempted the finger print passcode and I was in. I hit the call back button and Leah's phone was picked up after 3 rings.

"Hey dude where are you?"  
"Drunk at home. Give me a second" I managed to slur.  
"Jesus Lainie are you alright?" Leah's voice sounded very concerned.  
Leah and I had been friends since high school and she'd never known me to be late to rehearsal or to skip one. Even when I was sick, I was at practice.  
"No. Boy trouble" I say miserably.  
"I got you" She says before hanging up the phone.

15 minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I didn't even bother yelling the door was unlocked. Leah, Shannon and Jules walk into my place and dump their shit. "There's Jack Daniels over here" I say, cigarette dangling from my fingers. Jules jumped over the back of the couch and grabs the bottle, unscrewing the lid and taking a long swig before passing the bottle back to Shannon and Leah so they could have a drink too. "You look like shit" Shannon says, leaning over and kissing my cheek

I shake my head. "So I look how I feel" I laugh bitterly. Everyone sat down on the couch and grabbed a hand or wrapped an arm around me. "C'mon, what's going on and who am I killing?" Jules said, passing the bottle back to me. I abandoned my glass in favour of the now half empty bottle. I take a drag of my cigarette, offering my deck to my sisters. They each took one before throwing the pack back on the table.

"You'd think with two guys chasing me, I'd be a lot happier" I shrug, the boozy haze still swirling through my mind. "Don't need to ask who they are. What are you gonna do?" Shannon asked. I shrug again. "I don't know yet. I overheard a conversation between Richard and Till last night and everything they've said about not tying me down seemed to be one big lie" Fresh tears filled my eyes. "What do I do, guys? What have I gotten myself in to?" I look around at the girls I called my family.

Leah who'd been by my side since day dot and who I could never be too far from. Jules we'd picked up at a pro-choice rally and always knew exactly what to say with the wit and charm of the smoothest silver-tongue devil and Shannon, who might have been the quietest of the group but stood stronger in her beliefs than anyone I knew and had the biggest heart for the few she had time for. "Well how about we deal with the troubles later and we focus on just relaxing today. We've worked hard, surely it's time for a girls day off" Leah piped up. I half smile and hug her. The other girls wrapped their arms around me and held me in my time of need.

Now you might be wondering how a group of feminists spend a girls day. Surely not doing things other girly girls would be doing? Well, you're wrong. You bet your arse we busted out the nail polish and did each other's hair and make-up while watching dumb movies. First up was one of my all-time favourite movies, Better Than Chocolate. It follows the life of two lesbians in San Francisco and the lives of their friends.

We all picked a colour "theme" to go with. I got blue, Leah got purple, Shannon got pink and Jules got gold. Leah painted my nails a beautiful royal blue "to match my eyes" while Shannon streaked some blue and black dye through my hair to match. Next, Jules did a blue, glittery "smoky-eye", poking fun at me while she did so, making me laugh and causing her hand to involuntarily move, messing up the design.

We let the dye sit in my hair as I did Leah's nail in a similar royal purple colour, Shannon bleached some streaks through her dark hair and put a hot purple colour through and Jules did her make-up except without the glitter. Shannon was the next victim while Jules wanted to go last. By the time the movie finished, we all looked like a horror show. Foils in our hair because of the dye, eyeliner that had gone astray, the odd smudged nail. But the girls had been caught up on everything, even the dirty little movie Richard and I had created last night.

"Kinda want to see it, kinda don't want to" Jules laughed, thinking it would be a laugh riot. "Yeah I agree" Leah nodded. I look at Shannon. "Well what about you? Want to watch a porno" I laughed. "Duh. I have to see this shit. Who doesn't want to see their vocalist get the shit kicked out of them" Shannon smirked as she laughed.

So we gathered around my phone and we watched the highlights. "Jesus Christ those are gonna leave some scars" Jules said as first blood is drawn. "Damn he really worked you over" Shannon agreed with sympathy. "If you think those are bad, you should see the scars across my heart" I joke bitterly as I turn my phone off. "Ok hot mess, time to get that dye out" Jules said changing the subject, grabbing me under my arms and hauling me up. I throw an arm around her shoulders and let her lead me to the bathroom.

"Do you want us to stay over?" Jules says once she closes the door. "I'm not gonna kick you guys out" I slur, getting down on my knees and leaning over the bath. Jules grabs the jug I keep under the sink, fills it and starts rinsing the dye out. "I personally don't want to leave you alone right now" Jules says, running a hand through my hair. "I'll order pizza later or something then. You guys knows the drill. Pass out wherever you want" I close my eyes. Shannon pokes her head in and says she's not leaving either. "Me neither. I'll get the pizza" Leah offers. I smile. "You guys are the best" I say as Shannon hands me the dregs of Jack and I down it.


	19. Stein um Stein

I gave some money to Shannon and she walked up to the bottle shop to buy more alcohol and cigarettes. Leah was left on pizza duties and Jules took my phone off me and held me when I cried. "I know it sounds stupid. I mean it's not like it's anything serious" I blubber. "I know, sweetie. It's not your fault. I mean, they're so dreamy. I'm sure it wasn't hard for them to charm you" She cooed, brushing my newly blue-do out of my eyes and hugging me. "God I sound like an idiot. You know what we need? Singstar" I wipe the tears from my eyes. "Yeah exactly. I can't believe you still have those games. I call first dibs" She pats my shoulder.

Once the pizza was delivered and the booze came back, we started up my old PlayStation 2 and got Singstar set up. Now for those of you that don't know the magic of Singstar, the main aim of the game is to hit all the notes you can and get the most amount of points for straining your vocal chords, completely ruining the song and hopefully getting a score over 10,000 which will earn you the bragging rights of the title "Sing star". You don't, however, have to get the lyrics right. Which makes it even more fun.

We decided on the 90's edition and the Rock! Edition as they easily had the best jams on it, aside from Legends. We stuffed ourselves with pizza and basically held our own karaoke night, bringing down the house with our terrible lyrical parodies and bad singing. The problem with Singstar is it doesn't measure how well you sing; it measures how well you hit the notes. Which meant occasionally hitting pitches that should never have been attempted. 

We were in hysterics when my phone began to ring. "Ignore the call" I slur at Jules. "You didn't really have a choice" She slurred back and laughed at me. "Actually turn my phone off. I don't want another interruption from anything with a p-penis" I collapse on the couch in a fit of giggles. "Yeah...good call" She said as she turned my phone off. "We'll deal with the missed calls and messages in the morning" Jules said, turning my phone off. "Oh shit...how bad is it?" I ask, anxiety slowly building up. "Ahhhhhhh...a lot" Jules said, cringing. 

We all cringe with her. "Should I at least send a text telling them to back off?" I look around at my friends. "Nope. Girls night" Shannon plucks the phone out of Jules' hand and stuffs it down her pants. I just laugh at her. "I wouldn't have a problem going to retrieve that but thank you" I say in response to her actions. She just shrugs and sits down. "Alright Singstar 90's anyone?" I offer, wanting to avoid the situation awaiting me tomorrow. 

It was midnight by the time we all decided to crash out. I went to bed with Leah in tow and Shannon and Jules elected to share the couch. Leah and I had shared our beds with each other many, many times and tonight was no different. We used to sleep heads and tails but after a particularly bad night at her ex's place, we fell asleep in each other's arms and we didn't sleep together in any other way after that. It just felt comfortable. 

So we laid in each other's arms and we talked real talk. "So what are you gonna say to them tomorrow?" She asks. I sigh. "I don't even know. What do I say? I overheard something I shouldn't have? You always have the answer" I ask my dearest friend, always valuing her advice. "Well hypothetically, who would you choose? Should crunch time come I mean" Leah raises an eyebrow at me. 

I sit up and grab the pack of cigarettes by the bed and the ashtray I kept on my night stand. "I couldn't possibly pick. They both make my heart happy" I say sadly at the prospect of possibly having to choose between the two men plucking at my heartstrings. "You do realise you just answered your own question right?" She says rhetorically, scabbing a smoke out of my deck. I put the ashtray down between us. 

"I guess you're right. Should I just say I'm not choosing. Or should I convince them to duke it out like the good old days" I ask jokingly. She laughs and says, "Only if you smother em in oil first. God that would be hot" She giggled, taking a deep drag of her cigarette. We stayed up until 3 just talking boys and shit before we turned the light off and held each other until we drifted off to sleep.

I awoke to Leah's gentle snores and a mild head pounding. I squint at the bedside clock. 11am. Not bad given our hectic night. I carefully peeled Leah off me and pulled the doona over her before sneaking out of the room. "Don't you dare check your phone without someone present" I hear her mumble under the doona. "Yes mum" I say quietly. I saw her form roll over before going back to sleep.

I walk out into the lounge area. Evidence of our girly shenanigans were everywhere. Empty bottles of Jack Daniels, packs of cigarettes, bras that had been abandoned, the odd roach from the few blunts we lit up last night, a pizza box on top of a lampshade and one open at a 45 angle on top of it forming a house of pizza boxes, Shannon on the couch and Jules on the floor using the other two pizza boxes as a pillow. Jesus Christ. At least there weren't any dishes since we didn't bother with glasses or plates. My phone was thankfully nowhere to be found, which I assumed was still in Shannon's pants. 

I boil the kettle and it was met with a croaky chorus of "God yes please". I made everyone coffee and we drank it at my coffee table. Given how much we drank last night, I was surprised we pulled up as well as we did. "Alright. To the task at hand. Shannon? My phone please" I hold my hand out. "I don't have it" She looked at me blankly. She finally twigged and went fishing around in her jeans before handing me the phone. I wiped it on my shirt sleeve and thanked her for her "safe keeping". I turn it on and we all held our breath. 5 missed calls and at least a dozen messages, each one pinging. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. 

3 missed calls from Till, 2 from Richard. "Should I read each text or just send a broad message, guys?" I look around at my sisters. "Read em out and we'll tell you what to do" Jules instructs. 

"Hey gorgeous, thank you for last night. Sorry I hurried off, there was something I had to deal with" is the first one I get from Richard.   
"At least he didn't lie" I say bitterly.   
"What are you doing tonight? I'll make it up to you" is the next one. 

"Well, it's a bit late to respond to that one" Jules shrugs. "Or a bit early" Shannon jokingly chimes in. The rest from Richard were basically just a mix of Why-aren't-you-replying messages, an excess of "???" And "Hello?". Till's were roughly the same. "What are you doing tonight?" And "Hello?". 

"Clearly not a dick measuring contest here" Leah says sarcastically. "Well Lainie is the only one of us who could do that" Jules joked. "They're both roughly the same. Both should be registered as weapons of ass destruction" I throw my own joke into the ring. It was met with "Jesus Christ" and "Fucking hell". 

"As if they're acting like everything is ok between them" Jules said, grabbing a nearby cigarette pack and throwing it across the room when she realised it was empty. I grabbed the one closest to me and took one for myself before passing it around the circle and grabbing the ashtray. 

"Seriously what do I do?" I plead. "Right" Leah grabs my phone out of my hand and taps out a response to Richard before showing it to me.

"Sorry I didn't respond but I overheard an interesting conversation regarding me and took a day off from my confusing man problems" it read.

"I can't just send that" I say to her. "Then edit it to your liking" She shrugs, taking a drag of her cigarette. I think for a second before tapping out an edited version and reading it out.

"Sorry I didn't respond but I had some urgent band business to attend to"

"Who's acting like it's all hunky dory now" Shannon rolls her eyes at me. "Anything I have to say should be said in person" I concluded before sending out the exact same message to Till. Almost immediately I get a ping from Till. 

"That sounds like a load of bullshit. Look I have something I want to say and you clearly have something you want to say. Can we meet up and talk like adults?"

"Guys he's on to me" I nearly panic. "Don't worry about him. Just be your bad bitch self and tell him what's what" Leah shrugs. My heart was beginning to re-warm to him and I had to stop it. Richard's message on the other hand came through a few minutes later. 

"All good. I get it. See you soon I hope"

I read out the message to the girls and they all just looked at me, eyebrows raised and stern looks. "Looks like Till is the only one willing to call you on your bullshittery" Shannon says. "I'm gonna meet up with him" I say, tapping out another response.

"Sounds good. Where do you want to meet?" 

"Just...don't forget why you're talking to him alright? Don't forget about you and your needs" Jules held my hand and squeezed. I was so blessed to have the friends that I had.


	20. Roter Sand

We agreed to meet at a cute cafe in the city at 3pm and since I lived in Northcote, it wasn't too much of a stretch. It was down a small alleyway and allowed smokers to sit outside; a rare find in Melbourne nowadays. I got there early as a passive way to assert my irritation. 3pm on the dot and he walked down the laneway. I held my breath.

How did he always look to fucking die for? I thought, my sunglasses hiding the love heart eyes I was sure I had. "Heavy night?" He asked quietly, gesturing towards my aviator sunglasses. "Not at all" I say as sarcastically as possible. "Let me get us some coffee and we'll talk" His eyes hoping I wouldn't run off in the face of adversity even though that's exactly what I wanted to do. We had a great thing, why did this have to spoil it? Denial streamed through my thoughts.

He brought our coffees out and sat down. "I hate myself more than I could possibly say, but I lied to you. And I'm deeply sorry. If what I'm about to say next makes you want to run for the hills, I won't hold you back" He says right off the bat. No bullshit, unlike me. I appreciated that because Gods knew I didn't have it in me to be as blunt as he was being right now.

"Continue" I wave my hand, cigarette already lit. "I know I said I wanted you to be free, but I was lying to myself. Worst of all I was lying to you. I've never met a woman like you and I'm sure you know I have a reputation, but I would throw all that away if it meant you were the only woman in my life" He looked into my eyes, into my soul. He didn't waver an inch as he bared his lion heart to me.

"I know. I heard Richard on the phone to you after he spent the night with me" I drop the hammer, as blunt as could be. He looked down. "I'm not proud of our exchange of words" A hint of colour rising in his cheeks. "I was just so angry at him when I had no right to be" He took my hand and held it.

"I know what kind of woman you are and I mean it when I say this; I won't make you choose or change who you are. I meant it when I said I loved how free you are. So, I'm going back to Germany tonight. I have enjoyed my time in Melbourne and with you. But if you were to tell me you never wanted to see me again, I couldn't bear it. I will never forget you" He kissed my hand.

I was frozen in place. What?! My mind was screaming and roiling in utter horror. I didn't want to choose but this was so far from what I wanted. The thought of a world without my big, strong, beautiful man? I couldn't fathom it. "What?" I whisper, as he lets go of my hand reluctantly and gets up to leave. "Coffee is taken care of" He says before turning his back and disappearing out into the hustle and bustle of the Melbourne CBD. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. My chest began to hurt, my heart wanting to tear out of my chest and chase after him. What had he just said? My mind began to seize. The world began to swim before my eyes, then bright spots before complete and utter darkness. 

I came to. The manager of the cafe was looking down at me her face etched with concern. "Miss? Are you alright? Do you want me to call an ambulance?" She asks. "No thanks. I'll be fine" I give her a tight smile, hoping she'll leave me and the pieces of my heart shattered in the gutter alone as it all came rushing back. I wish I hadn't of woken up.

I got home to find Leah still there. She turned around when she heard the door open and her face fell the second she saw me. "Lainie? How bad was it?" She asks quietly, my face completely betraying me. "He-he-h" My mind was still in shambles; I could hardly form a sentence let alone say his name. I collapse to my knees, tears steadily cascading down my cheeks, not a sound to be heard. She rushed over to my side and held me while I cried silently on the floor.

Leah got up to shut my front door before locking it and pulling me up and leading me towards the couch where she sat me down, walked off to grab my bong and mix bowl, assuming I'd need something stronger than alcohol. She was right. I took a few hits, tears still streaming. "Tell me what happened" She asked again gently. I took a deep breath and let it out. My chest felt like it was the first breath of oxygen it had taken since hearing the words that crushed my mind, heart and soul.

"He-he said he's going back to Germany and that he'll never forget me" I said, my voice emoting the absolute emptiness I felt. Leah's body went rigid as her head whipped around to tell me what a fucking idiot I was. "What?! Why didn't you stop him?!" Leah says, her own surprise clearly less crippling than my own. "I couldn't. I was stuck. I just...froze. I fucking passed out after he left" I explained, taking another hit from the bong. "You're gonna go after him right?!" She demanded, both her hands on my shoulders.

"What's the fucking point?! He left me, Leah! He. LEFT. Me. What am I gonna do? Chase him to Germany after the bullshit I pulled today?" I exploded. Emptiness replaced by anger. Why did he leave? Why didn't he stay and listen to what I had to say? Why was it so easy for him to leave? Was it easy for him? A million thoughts began to ticker tape through my head all bouncing off one another and getting jumbled up in the process.

I was not handling this. I was panicking, I was angry, I was beyond distraught. And Leah could clearly see that. "Ok Lainie. Stop. Think of exactly what he said to you. Leave nothing out" She said firmly, her hands still on my shoulders. She was being careful not to tell me to calm down. I thought for a moment, his words coming back to carve more wounds into my already bleeding soul.

"He said he lied to me when he said he wanted me to be free. That he wanted me to himself but he didn't want me to change or to be forced to choose. He said he would throw away his own freedom if it meant I was the only one for him and he was the only one for me" I began to blubber, tears mingling with heart-wrenching sobs. Next thing I know, Leah's hand connects with my cheek and an almighty crack echoes around the room. I go silent, not believing what just happened.

"Are you fucking blind?! He wants you. He didn't leave you because he doesn't like you. He left for you, to make it easier for you. He removed himself from the equation so YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO CHOOSE. He basically just sacrificed himself for your own happiness. What, you think it was easy for him to just saunter away like that? I bet anything his mind was screaming at him to turn back" Leah was right. It began to sink in. "I'm kinda glad he didn't given my little fainting spell" I begin wiping the tears from my eyes.


	21. Rosenrot

Leah spent the next week or so at my house acting as my own personal watch dog. I was just trying to function as a normal person but failing miserably. Each morning she woke up to my drunk arse on the couch and watched me descend into weed by the time the afternoon came around. And she was getting sick of it.

"Are you serious? Why aren't you doing anything about this? What are you doing to yourself?" She asked, gesturing in disapproval at me. I giggled at her. "I'm trying to deal with the emotional pain of losing the best thing that's ever happened to me, to answer your question" I wave my hands and shrug.

"If he was the greatest thing that ever happened to you then why are you still here? The Lainie I know would already be in Germany fighting for her man" She said a little shrill. She had a point. But I wasn't having it. "He left me here, Leah. I'm not gonna chase after a man that chose to walk away" I shrug again, taking another sip of the Irish "coffee", which was now just a mug full out whiskey.

"Don't do it for him, do it for you. Do it for your happiness" She sits down beside me. "I've been watching you killing yourself and numbing the hurt for the last week and enough is enough. You could take that pain away, not just hide from it" She grabbed my hand and held it. "Fuck. You're right. But what about Richard?" I ask. She scoffs.

"Ok, idiot. Tell me one thing. Who's the one person on your mind and in your heart? First person that comes to mind" She looked into my eyes. Till... Without a conscious thought in sight, my heart screamed for him. "Now tell me this. If it had of been Richard, do you think you would've been as dramatic as you were?" I stop dead. Well, fuck me then. I grab my bong and load up a cone.

"I didn't think so. Now get your arse on to your laptop right now and book the flight" Leah says, yanking the bong out of my trembling hands. "Never mind, I'll do it" She rips the cone I just packed before grabbing my laptop and punching in some details and paying with her own credit card. "Leah I-" She waves a finger at me. "No. Shut up. I love you and I refuse to let this opportunity pass you by. I've never seen you light up the way you do when you talk about him. I have never heard you talk so fondly. So yes, I bought your dumb-arse a ticket so you can go get your man" She looks at me.

"Your flight leaves in 4 hours. I'm packing your suitcase, find your passport. Now" She commanded and I started to move. I was beginning to feel less...mechanical. I found it and went to see how Leah was going packing for me. "What season is it in Germany right now?" I ask, looking at the assortment of pretty dresses and scandalous lingerie. "Spring, bitch. Now go grab your toiletries. I'll drive you to Tullamarine" She bossed me around and I let her. I needed her firm commands right now. 

With my suitcase packed, my best friend showered me and groomed me before doing my make-up and picking a cute but sensible outfit. Nothing crazy, just so the bags under my eyes weren't so bad and so I'd look cute when I first saw my man again. Plus we figured border security would pull me aside to ask why a member of the living dead wanted to fly to Germany.

She drove as fast as she could to the airport with an hour to spare and all but kicked me out of her car. "Go get your man. Love you now get out" She kisses my cheek and undoes my seatbelt. "Thanks babe. I love you too. And I mean it, thanks for everything" I smile at my best friend before I get out and grab my suitcase out of the backseat. I wave her off and walked as fast as I could.

Customs and border security dealt with, I sat at the gate and waited for my flight. I finally got the chance to look at my boarding pass. That sly bitch, I thought with a smile. My best friend had bought me a one-way, first class ticket to Berlin Tegel Airport.

While sitting in the terminal, I thought I should deal with the Richard situation. I dial his number.

"Well hello. I was wondering when I would hear from you again" His voice sounded so warm but there was a tinge of anxiety to it. He knew what was to come.  
"I heard your phone call to Till"  
I hear nothing but silence.  
"So I guess this is it, as much as I don't want to give you up without a fight"  
My heart began to pull in my chest at the sound of his voice saddening.  
"I'm sorry, Richard. I can't help the way I feel and I feel even worse that I'm doing this over the phone"  
"Not gonna lie, it kind of hurts"  
Tears begin to form in my eyes. I didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't keep stringing him along. I mean I was running off to Europe to be with another man. I couldn't leave him hanging.  
"I don't want to let you go, but if I really cared about you, I would"  
"I'm so sorry" I whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks.  
"I wish you nothing but the best, Lainie" The sound of his voice saying my name all but killed me.  
"Goodbye, Richard. I will always treasure our time together. No matter where I go or who I'm with" It wasn't a lie. I couldn't forget him and my heart was breaking for him.  
"I...I love you"  
The line goes dead and I cover my face with my hands, crying freely at what I've just done.

Our flight number was called and we boarded the plane where I proceeded to spend the next 40 hours attempting to sleep, watching dumb movies and abusing the champagne privileges to try and forget about Richard. When we finally got to Berlin, I stepped off the plane and took my first steps towards fixing the beautiful thing I had broken. Well, one of them at least.


	22. That's my Heart

I had no idea what I was doing or where to go but I pulled my phone out and dialled Till's number. No answer. I look down at my phone in distrust and then try an old trick. I put my phone number on private and tried again.

"Hello?" His deep voice sent those shivers across my body  
"Don't hang up" I say desperately.  
I hear a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone.  
"No, let me talk. You didn't let me respond and for that, I'm angry with you. You just went and made a decision for me. You should know I don't need a man to make my decisions for me. You broke my heart and you deserted me"  
"I didn't see another way. I figured Richard would make you happier than I ever could" His voice sounded so empty. A feeling I understood completely, thanks to him.  
"There was one thing you didn't count on; my bitch of a best friend. Which is why I'm here, in Berlin, with no fucking idea where I'm going or what I'm doing or even where my fucking luggage is"  
"What? What do you mean you're in Berlin?"  
"I mean I flew 40 fucking hours to tell you how badly you hurt me, hurting someone else in the process and to tell you if you pull that shit again, I'm gonna be even madder than I am now because I fucking miss you and I don't ever want you to leave again"  
"But what about Richard?"  
"Don't. Just, how do I hail a cab here? And to what address?"

Before I knew it, the cab had pulled up at a beautiful house in the German countryside. It was quiet compared to Melbourne. I had exchanged some Australian money at Tullamarine before I got on the plane and paid the driver. He grabbed my suitcase out of the boot of the cab, put it down and wished me what I assumed was a "good day". I smiled at him before turning my attention to the house in front of me.

I saw the front door open and all logic left me yet again. Tears filled my eyes and I ran. I left my suitcase and ran up the driveway and leapt into the arms of the most gorgeous man, his strong arms holding me close, pressing me into him, my thighs clinging to his hips. I felt safe, protected. We didn't speak, I just clung to him crying and he held me tightly. I looked at the face I knew and loved so much. His eyes were shining and his face was glowing. He kissed me deeply, reacquainting himself with me. We held on to each other for a long time until I finally broke away, gasping for air.

"I can't believe you're here" He smiles broadly at me. I slap him so hard and fast his head snapped to one side. He held his face where there was now a vicious red hand print rapidly appearing. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him again, his grip on my thighs tightening. He breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. "I guess I deserve that" His velvety deep voice soothing my hurt. "Don't you ever do that again" I say, new tears spilling down my cheeks.

Till's face softened as he wiped my tears away gently. "I'm sorry. I thought it would make things easier for you if I just left. I figured you wouldn't want to be with someone who was notorious" He smiled sadly. I shook my head. "You don't make the choices for me" I say, kissing both his cheeks. "Alright, I've learned from my mistake" He looked out at my suitcase. "I better let you inside then" He says as he puts me down and walks out to get my luggage and I just stare after him, my heart fluttering at his warmth.


	23. Liebe ist für alle da (Epilogue)

"How's the tour going?" His accent still sent shivers down my spine.  
"Yeah I mean, it's going well. Russia has been amazing to us and the women in Pussy Riot have been an absolute laugh" I smile at my laptop.  
"What time is it in Moscow?"  
I look at the clock on my laptop.  
"It's currently 10pm. But I just had to see your face, even if you're not really here and if only for a few minutes" I smile sadly.  
"Well then you'll be happy to know our tour dates overlap. We fly out to Moscow tomorrow" Till's broad smile warmed my heart.  
"Oh you're kidding! That's amazing, we have to meet up so you can show me around" I wink.  
"Can we do more than that when we meet up?" His devilish grin still made me want to melt.  
"That's a given. Alright I have to head off to the after party. I love you so much, or as they say here, ya tebya ochen lyublyu" I blow my computer screen a kiss.  
"Ich liebe dich uber alles my beautiful goddess" He blows me a kiss right back.  
I end the Facetime call on my computer and look around the dressing room at my band mates.

Nothing had changed, not really. We were still the hardcore feminist rockers we were when we first supported Rammstein and we were closer than ever as well as super popular in Europe. Pussy Riot saw some live footage of a gig we supported Rammstein at in Kiev and they called us to tell us they were putting together the ultimate international feminist festival and that they had to have us on board.

Leah picked up the pieces of Richard that I'd shattered and they'd been dating steadily for 3 years now. She was so scared to tell me they'd started dating but I told her what he had once told me; If I really cared, I'd let her. I knew what a terrific guy he was and I was happy that he had found happiness in the end. And to see her with such an amazing guy made me worry about her less.

Jules and Shannon started dating but ended it when things got a little too much in rehearsal one day. But Gods bless, it didn't make things awkward amongst the band. As for Till and me, 5 years later, we were still going strong. There was nothing serious on the horizon but I was content with the way things were.

We stuck by our music and toured the world in more ways than one. We divided our time between Australia and Germany as well as the rest of the world. We had our ups and downs but they were mostly ups.

Till arrived a day later and he spent three days showing me around the best places in Moscow before we went to Omsk. The buildings in Omsk were beautiful, like nothing I'd ever seen. I mean Melbourne had old buildings but these were much, much older. The architecture was amazing.

He took me to Ptich'ya Gaven, a garden full of snow about 10 minutes from central Omsk. Living in Melbourne, you rarely saw snow except if you went north to the mountains so to me, being surrounded by so much snow was quite beautiful. I held Till's hand as he led me through the gardens. "This is one of my favourite places to come" Till explained with a big smile, happy that he could show off the beauty to someone who had never seen it much less known the true magic of snow.

"It is" I looked around in wonder. There was nothing much to see except the covered walkways, the lighthouse and blankets upon blankets of snow. When I turned around to see where Till was, I saw another beautiful sight; Him down on one knee with a tiny ring box in hand with a small black tungsten ring with a solid-looking ruby heart in the centre. My hand shot up to my mouth. "Lainie you've made me very happy these last few years, happier than I could've imagined. I know you don't live to please, but it would please me to no end if you became my wife" His face was so full of hope. I didn't even think. I tackled him into the snow where he grunted but started laughing at my reaction. I rained kisses down on his face, my heart pounding. "Yes! Of course, yes!" I kissed his lips and said no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well wasn't that a ride? Thanks for the loyal readers who sat through and I hope you enjoyed! But don't go away just yet as I already have a new work in progress.


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